The Identity Crisis (PAUSED)
by FantabulousUnicorn88
Summary: Ness finds a shell on the beach, the next day, things... get a little confusing. Enjoy
1. 1: A Blue Shell

**A brief introduction:**

 **Hi! This is FantabulousUnicorn, and this here, is my first fanfic. So don't be too harsh, okay?**

 **Warnings**

 **-This is sort of just me goofing off.**

 **-I try not to offend people.**

 **\- I try not to copy other fanfics, so if you see any quotes that might come from other fanfics, just know that I'm not copying.**

 **\- I don't know what else to write here...**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoy! :D**

 **Chapter 1**

Ness waded into the cool ocean water. This was a rare treat, as usually around this time (it was 4:30 pm) Ness would be fighting or doing some other shit. He had nothing for the rest of the day, and neither did his best friend Lucas. Not knowing what to do, they just counted out their options. Hanging around in Smash Mansion wasn't an option. Peach and Mario were giving a puberty talk at 5:00 pm, and hearing it was the last thing Ness and Lucas wanted to do. (They had no interest in learning about body odor, voice changes, growing hair, and other strange things that… should be left unlisted.) Playing baseball wasn't an option. They lacked the sufficient amount of people. Their friends were all at the puberty talk. Going to the library wasn't fun, only Lucas, Robin, Zelda and Peach went there. So going to the private beach was the best thing to do.

Of course, getting there was a problem. Ness - who was one of the original 12 smashers - was quite famous. One of the most famous smashers in Sm4sh. Lucas was also famous, but not that famous for a smasher. This fame had caused them to outrun fans already on their way here. All of the smashers hated being mobbed by fans, but it was part of life. Although being a smasher gave you hospitality, a high reputation, and fame, dealing with fans always made living in the mansion much harder. So Ness and Lucas were wearing a clever disguise of 2 normal 14 year old boys. Ness felt odd without his backpack (which contained his bat, yo-yo and other useful things) and cap, but this would do.

Lucas had only just arrived in the mansion. Unlike Ness and most other smashers, he was given his acceptance letter late, along with 6 other smashers. Popo and Nana (who were Ness and Lucas's good friends) also couldn't make it, and neither could Red, the Pokémon trainer, who also happened to be a friend.

Ness was glad to have Lucas next to him. He was lonely with only Pittoo, Mega-Man, Toon Link, and Villager. Pit was maturing, spending more time with Palutena and helping her than playing around with the rest of the kids. Ness missed his best friend and was frustrated over the fact that he couldn't contact him. The reason was: Over break, Lucas had to return to his own time period, and Ness couldn't send letters to the future, could he?

"Ness!" Lucas called from deeper in the water. "Do you wanna go boogie boarding?"

Ness grinned. "Sure! Coming!"

As he walked through the waves, he was surprised by feeling a rock under his foot where soft sand should be. His foot smashed into it, causing a flare of pain to shoot up his leg. He winced and clenched his teeth.

"Are you okay?" Lucas asked, running over.

"Yeah, just stubbed my toe on a stupid random rock." Ness rubbed his foot and reached into the water with his other hand. He felt around in the sand for the rock until his finger hit something hard. But - this wasn't a rock. _Oh duh,_ he thought. _We're in a beach, it's a seashell, not a rock!_ He sighed and scolded himself for his own stupidity. He picked up the seashell, which was strangely large for a shell. "This random thing just was… there." He said.

Lucas frowned. "Well that's a bit weird."

Lucas was right. On the beach of Smash City, hardly any shells or rocks washed up onto shore. Ness nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's weird."

Ness brought the shell to his face and studied it. The color was already odd, it was a bright turquoise, eventually fading away into a baby blue. The thing that really peaked Ness's interest was that instead of astray lines or holes in it, there were strange markings decorating the smooth surface, reminding Ness of hieroglyphs.

"Hey Lucas!" yelled Ness. "Look at this shell, it's actually pretty cool!"

"Coming!"

Lucas came running over, splashing salt water all over Ness's face. Ness gagged. "Look, the color is weird, and it has weird markings all over this side of it."

Lucas inspected the shell. "Huh, that's pretty cool. Are we gonna keep it?"

Ness shook his head. "Nah, I'll just chuck it into the ocean so some other smasher kids can find it." He charged up a good throw and the shell flew out of his hand. It sailed far, far, far away to the point where the pair of psychics could not see it.

Lucas snorted. "Yeah, like anyone would be able to find it after a throw like that."

"Aww, shut up." Ness playfully socked Lucas in the shoulder. "I'll admit, that throw was way too far, but it'll eventually wash up here."

Ness was the baseball champion in Onett, and he had the best back throw out of 58 smashers. So of course he was going to chuck that shell farther than any professional baseball player could. Lucas should've known that.

"Whatever you insist." Lucas said. "But I'm pretty sure the only things that will find that shell are fish."

"Crabs, starfish, other random sea creatures." Ness listed, trying to piss the blonde psychic off. Lucas sighed in exasperation, so that meant Ness was doing a good job. He smiled innocently.

"You know what I mean, Ness!" Lucas exclaimed.

"What?"

 _Sigh._

 _Sigh._

"Ness, don't act stupid."

"What's so stupid?"

 _Sigh._

 _Sigh._

"Ness, I know that you know what I mean."

"Huh, I know that you know. Nice one!"

 _Glare._

 _Glare._

Lucas sighed. "I'm not gonna argue with you. You're too stubborn."

Ness bowed until the top of his nose touched the surface of the water. "Why, thank you kind sir!" He rose again, smiling delightedly at Lucas's glare.

"Shut up!" Lucas used telekinesis to smash a wall of water into Ness's smiling face.

"Well that wasn't very nice!" Gasped a sputtering Ness. He quickly regainedhis composure. "But thank you for the gift, kind sir. You can have it back." He said sweetly, kindly returning the favor.

Lucas took a good dump full of water to the face. "Hey!"

Ness cackled. At this, Lucas raised his arms, and water began to stir under the shadow of his hands. It would've seemed dangerous, but Lucas's laughing (not evilly) face gave it away.

The water began to rise, and Ness ran for it. Lucas chased him, abandoning the psychic telekinesis attempt and going for the nice, stupid looking, through the water chase. Lucas was a much faster runner than Ness, but they were both laughing, which caused them to go much slower.

Ness found himself ahead. After a while of laughing, chasing, and overall just looking stupid, Lucas threw himself at him in a desperate attempt to catch the fugitive. Ness cried out and the two psychics plunged into the water. Ness was assaulted by the weight of a potato sack, a bunch of flailing limbs, and saltwater. The boys came up laughing and sputtering. As soon as they gained their bearings, Ness spewed out a mouthful of water at Lucas's face. The blonde responded to this with a disgusted expression and a high pitched "Ew!" Ness, seeing an opportunity to cause the blonde more despair, yelled "Geronimooooooo!" and tackled him.

So this was how the battle went, tackling, laughing, dunking, spitting, wrestling and shouting. They did this for about an hour until they were shivering and their teeth were chattering. Ness dragged himself out of the water and rubbed his sore muscles. He conjured up a small PK Fire in his palm and cupped the flame in his hands. He then used it to dry himself off a little and warmth creeped back into his body. He sighed contently.

Lucas crawled out of the water and collapsed on the sand next to Ness. He was so cold that his skin was almost blue. This was normal for smashers, so Ness didn't worry. He smirked and held up the flames in his hand to Lucas's face. He waited until the normal color returned to Lucas's skin. Lucas had always been sensitive to the cold.

"Thanks." Lucas said, conjuring up his own PK Fire and warming himself once he had enough strength.

"No problem." Said Ness, blowing out the flames.

Lucas fanned on his fire with his free hand. It grew and Lucas took a little flame from one hand and transferred it to the other. Soon, he stopped shaking.

"You okay?" Ness asked.

Lucas nodded. "Yeah. But for some reason…" he yawned. "I'm really sleepy. I'm going back to the mansion and going to bed.

Lucas stood up, stretched, and trudged in the direction of Smash Mansion. At this, Ness crawled after him and tugged on his arm. "Nooooo! It's only like, 5:30 or something! Can we play some more?"

"Ness, I'm really tired." Lucas shook his arm free. "Don't act like a puppy." His eyelids fluttered and he yawned again. "Night."

"Fine, but I'm coming with you." Ness stood up and followed him. "Why are you so tired anyway?"

Lucas shrugged. "I don't know. But right after you chucked that shell into the ocean, I started feeling really tired. So I thought going in the ocean might help, but it didn't." He yawned again.

Ness pouted. "Please? We can still play for a long time. The next fight I have is 10:30 tomorrow morning, and the next fight you have is 9:30 tomorrow morning! We can stay up super late, cause we can get up late!"

"No." Lucas put on his sandals and wrapped a towel around himself. "I'm sleepy, okay?"

"You stole my taunt."

"I'm going back to the mansion." Said Lucas, ignoring Ness.

"LUCAAAAAAAAS…"

Lucas huffed and kept walking. Ness pouted even more and followed. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?"

Lucas glared at Ness. "I'm tired! _Get lost, or just stop!_ "

Ness was taken aback by this. Lucas rarely lashed out at anyone - well, except for if someone stole his omelettes - and if he did, Ness was _never_ on the receiving end.

"What? Why are you so tired anyway?" Ness asked softly. At this, Lucas broke into a run. Ness dragged his feet, following him dejectedly. Lucas ran out of the beach and disappeared from view onto the street. Ness sighed. Why was he getting hurt over something so stupid?

 _Come on you dolt! Go after him, what are you gonna do at the beach alone?_

 **No! Too lazy…**

 _Gah, just go back to the mansion. Hang out with Fiona Villager if blondie doesn't wanna._

 **Puberty talk.**

 _Just go check! If she' s not available, hang out with Mike Villager, Pittoo, Toon, MM (Mega-Man), or Pit._

 **Puberty talk.**

 _I hate you. I can't believe I'm your conscience._

 **Hehe. Hate you too!**

 _I'm going to bed. Good luck living without me for the rest of the day!_

 **Is that supposed to be hard?**

 _Shut up, Cappy Boy._

 **Don't call me that. (And anyway, I'm not even wearing my cap. I'm wearing these stupid swim shorts.)**

 _Hmm… how about Crappy Boy, then?_

 **Shut up!**

 _Good night!_

Ness wanted to kill himself.

Okay! No, not like that!

Erm…

Ness wanted to kill his own conscience.

He hated arguing with himself, the winner was himself, and so was the loser. Plus, his own conscience was so annoying.

But, he would listen to it anyway. It did have a point. He should go to the mansion anyway. He could get his friends out of the auditorium (where the Puberty Talk was) and play baseball with them.

Ness started in the direction of the mansion.

Lucas yawned. Why was he so tired anyway? On the way back from the beach, he dried himself off and ran to the front door. He swung it open and yawned again.

He made sure to dodge the R. that were patrolling the hallway. Peach and Mario were having the puberty talk for all the kids in the mansion. He and Ness were the only ones that escaped it. On their way out (when Ness wasn't looking) he had seen his friends with grim faces, walking into the auditorium flanked by 2 R. and a smiling Peach and Mario. He had felt quite sorry for them, but he had to escape. So he had followed Ness out the door (Ness had not seen this, as he had been happily talking Lucas's ear off). _Was this the wrong thing to do?_ He had wondered.

Lucas would've felt guilty as he made his way to he and Ness's room. Except that he was so sleepy, his brain almost refused to function. Let alone process feelings.

Lucas felt a tingling sensation throughout his body as he walked. Huh, that was weird. Maybe the effects of sleepiness? Lucas didn't know.

Lucas took the glass elavator up to the 3rd floor. As he stood in there, yawning and leaning against the glasswalk behind him, he saw his faint reflection in front of him. For some reason, he spotted a dark streak in his hair, and his cowlick was almost nonexistent. He yawned. Probably just his sleepy vision…

The elevator arrived at his floor with a ding. The doors slid open and he stepped out, yawned, and started down the hallway. He wrapped the towel tighter around himself. He would change from his swim shorts into pajamas when he got into his room.

Lucas opened the door and stepped inside his room. Immediately a wave of heat swept over him. Yep, that was comfortable. Lucas liked setting the thermostat high.

Lucas grabbed his pajamas and changed quickly. Ness wasn't here, so he could do as he pleased. Namely, sleep. He collapsed on the bed and within seconds, was snoring.

Ness stood at the front door of the mansion and slowly pushed it open. Seeing that the coast was clear of R. that would drag him off to the auditorium, he darted into the mansion. Ness picked up some clothes from the laundry order and changed quickly in the bathroom. He then made his way to the auditorium in which he could possibly sneak in, tap a friend's shoulder, and drag him out of torture.

Ness stopped in front of the auditorium door. He took a deep breath and turned the doorknob. Closing his eyes, he pushed open the door. Hoping no one noticed him, he opened his eyes. The person sitting nearest to the back of the auditorium happened to be Mega-Man (aka MM). He looked traumatized. Poor guy.

Ness tried to block out his hearing. He had no intention of hearing the talk, it was the _last thing he wanted to do._

Unsuccessful. He could hear Peach's voice clearly.

"You take the pad, and with the sticky part, you put it on the inside part of your underwear."

Why did they have to learn about the opposite gender's puberty, too?!

Peach held up her demonstration pads and underwear and stuck the pad on the inside of the underwear like she described. Why were there demonstrations?!

Ness covered one ear and tried to tap MM's shoulder. Except, he couldn't reach! He cursed inwardly. _Why?!_

"Then you throw out the wrapper, and now you have your period pad on!"

Peach threw out the wrapper and curtsied. "Now I will teach you how to put on a tampon!"

Ew…

"You take the tampon," Peach held up a weird object that Nes supposed was a tampon. "And," she held up a diagram of girl's parts.

Ew! He did not have to see that! He shielded his eyes.

"And stick the tampon into your - "

Ness resisted the urge to scream. He covered his ears frantically, seeing his fellow male friends do the same. Hehe, even Mario (who stood on the stage next to Peach) looked sick. Fiona, who was the only girl, looked like she wanted to barf.

But now that he covered his ears, he could see Peach sticking the tampon into a hole she had made in the diagram, right where the real hole should be.

Eww!

Yuck!

Gross!

Ness closed his eyes, but now he couldn't see MM. What if he tapped a chair or something, and Peach heard/saw him?

"And you take the hard part out, so you have the soft part still in there. Now, the soft part will block your period, and you can swim!"

Ewwwww…

Ness inched into the auditorium and stretched out his arm. He still couldn't reach! Sighing, he stepped entirely into the auditorium and reached out…

Ness's hand never got to its destination.

"Ness!" Peach's shrill voice. "Dearie, come sit down next to Toon Link. We've been looking for you!"

Ness cleared his throat and looked up. One thought raced through his mind: _Oh no._

Everyone was staring at him. He gulped, smiled, and…

Ran for his life!

Ness had just made it halfway through the door when his head got assaulted by a turnip. He tripped and fell flat on his face, not appreciating that stupid smiling turnip face that stared at him. He punched it, sending it flying across the hall. A passing R.O.B got a turnip to the…face? (Do robots even have faces? Are you supposed to call their "faces" faces anyway?)

"Ness!" Said Peach, sternly. "Come on and sit next to Female Villager over here. We've been looking everywhere for you and Lucas. Speaking of Lucas, have you seen that boy?" At Ness's (lying) head shake, she sighed. "You two are like peas in a pod, always sticking around together. I was hoping you would know where he went."

Ness ignored this, stood up and tried to run away again. But this time, Peach was prepared and he took two turnips to the head. Groaning and rubbing his head, he gave up. Peach daintily walked down the stairs of the stage and down the walkway. When she reached Ness, she picked him up and practically dragged him to the seat next to Fiona. She plopped him down in the seat and smiled.

"You've come just at the end of the female puberty talk, and now Mario will just begin the male puberty talk. So sit tight and listen!"

Peach went back to the stage and resumed the talk.

"So, we've covered body odor, estrogen, oily hair, acne, growing hair in other places besides your head, hips widening, and the period." Peach said. "So now, Mario will come up to explain how the male body grows up! Sweet!"

Mario came up to the stage and cleared his throat. Everyone in the audience prepared their ears for the onslaught of a Italian accent.

"Hello everyone! It's-a-Mario! Today, I will-a-be talking about how the male body grow-a-up!"

Ness cringed.

"Ness!" Fiona whispered, poking the psychic in the arm. "Did you try come and save us?"

Ness nodded and sighed. "But I got caught."

They were forced to listen to Mario talk about more body odor, more acne, more hair, voice cracks, and odd… sexual urges that boys went through.

By the end of the talk, Ness wanted to faint. Lucky Lucas. He didn't have to listen to this. Lucas was probably dozing off in their room in his pajamas, all warm, cozy and free of Italian accents…

Ah, that was _paradise_ Lucas was in!

Finally, the talk was over and the children were free. Even Pit, in his mature state, gagged once. But he quickly regained formality and greeted Ness.

"Hello Ness." Pit said. "How do you do?"

"I'm fine, thanks." Ness replied.

"I must attend to Lady Palutena." Pit said. "Expect to see me at dinner."

Pit beat his angel wings and took off, ducking under the door and swooping out of the auditorium. Ness sighed. Why was this guy such a kisser-upper? Just because Palutena was a goddess, it didn't mean that she needed Pit there every single minute to attend to her.

Fiona and Mike skipped off together, complaining about the grossness of the puberty talk. Toon and MM met up with Ness at the doorway.

"That was so… yuck!" Toon said. "That diagram has dirtied my mind, leaving a permanent stain!"

MM, despite being expressionless for the most part was thoroughly grossed out as well. "Totally agreed, Toon Link."

"Call me Toon, for the last time."

"Okay, Toon."

Ness chuckled. "Anyway, yeah. That talk has left a permanent scar on my once clean mind."

Toon snorted. "Like your mind was ever clean!"

"Shut up."

Pittoo flew in front of the trio, blocking their path. "Can I join you guys?"

Ness nodded. "Sure."

"Yeah, the talk was the most disgusting thing ever!" Toon said. "Especially the part when Peach showed us how to put on pads and tampons."

"May we not talk about the puberty talk anymore?" MM asked shyly.

"Yes, please!" Pittoo agreed. "How about let's…"

"Go eat dinner!" Ness suggested. "It's already 6:45." He said, looking at the clock. "Dinner starts at 7:00, anyway."

"Sure." Said MM.

"But we have to wake up Lucas." Ness said. "He's most likely sleeping, and he shouldn't miss dinner!"

"Nah," said Pittoo. "I don't think he'd appreciate that. No one would, well, except Kirby, who'd almost never miss dinner."

Everyone had to agree with that.

"But why" MM began. "is Lucas asleep anyway?"

"When we were outside, Lucas started complaining that he was really sleepy." Ness explained to his friends.

"Every smasher living here has rarely ever been sleepy." Toon pointed out. "I wonder what his case is."

Pittoo shrugged. "That guy is pretty unpredictable. One moment, happy as a clam, the next, bawling his eyes out. Kinda hard to deal with sometimes."

Ness couldn't help but defend his best friend. "I think he's perfectly fine to deal with!"

"I don't think that's what he meant." Said MM.

"I guess…" Ness frowned. "Well, what are we doing? Let's go eat dinner."

The four smashers went to the dining hall to get their meals. They were early for dinner, so it was almost empty. The only smashers that were occupying the seats were Kirby, Dedede, Bowser, Cloud and Shulk.

"Poyo!" Kirby said, waving.

"Hey Ki - "

Oh, sorry. Forgot to translate.

"Hey guys!" Kirby said, waving.

"Hey Kirby." Said Toon.

Ness patted the puffball on the head. "Hi Kirby," Ness and Kirby had become friends recently, as a replacement for Lucas. His other friends had their own places in his heart, but Kirby half filled the empty spot meant for Lucas. Ness picked up the pink ball and put Kirby atop his head.

"Poyo! Poyo, poyo, poyo!"

Translation: "Usually you guys aren't early for dinner like this. What's the sudden hussle?"

"We were horrified, bored, and traumatized after the puberty talk. And we had nothing better to do." Said MM.

Kirby shuddered. More poyos. Ness translated immediately ("Ew, I bet it was super disgusting. Luckily, you missed it in N64 and Melee, Ness!")

That was true, Ness had missed it in N64 and Melee. But in Brawl, he had heard it for the first time. Guy puberty wasn't as disgusting as girl puberty. In Brawl, there had been no girl kids, so the kid smashers didn't have to listen to what happened during girl puberty. But in Sm4sh, there was the first girl kid smasher. So, the boys found themselves hearing the details of how the female body grows up.

The puffball bounced up and down on Ness's head. Although he was light, it sort of gave Ness a headache. And Ness's cap was flopping up and down over his vision, so he grabbed the pink puffball and set him on the table instead.

("I'm hungry.") said Kirby and he jumped off the eating table and flew over to the serving table. (Is it time for dinner yet…?")

Everyone was sad to see him go.

Pittoo sighed. "Why are pink puffballs so freaking adorable?" Then he moped off, getting back into a depressed mood.

This left the original trio, standing in the middle of the lunchroom. The rest of the 58 smashers started pouring in, the the dining hall erupted in instinct chatter. Then, the ruckus that was called dinner began.

Ness cleared his throat. "Well, I guess we'll eat then."

Lucas was peacefully dozing off, until there was a loud banging on the door. He woke with a start, immediately feeling cranky. Who had the nerve to disturb him while he was slumbering?

"Go away, whoever you are!" He groaned sleepily. "I'm trying to sleep!"

The knocking persisted. "Pikaaaa! Pika pika piiika pik. Pik-pik piika! Pika!"

Translation: "Lucaaaas, it's time for dinner. Master Hand sent me to get you. Hurry up!"

"Pikachu…" Lucas moaned, flipping over on his side. "Do you not see the _do not disturb_ sign on the door?"

("There is no _do not disturb_ sign.") said Pikachu irritably as he opened the door. Lucas didn't know how he did it, the doorknob was way out of his reach, but he pulled it off mouse stood in the doorway and pleaded. ("I'm hungry, so hurry up. You are delaying dinner for me, and a mouse needs foooooood!")

"Good night." Said Lucas, throwing the covers over his head. "See you _in the morning!_ "

The mouse huffed. Then he put on his cutest face. ("But I'm cuuuuuuute!") He did his absolutely adorable taunt. ("Everyone likes cuuute!")

"Not Wario."

("You don't look like Wario!") said the mouse, pouting and dropping the cute face attempt.

"I'll just miss dinner." Said Lucas.

("But you caaaan't!") whined Pikachu. ("Well, usually you can, but there was the puberty talk today, and all the kid smashers need to be in the cafeteria to get their products for puberty!")

"Shut up."

("What are you gonna do without deodorant and other manly man stuff?")

"I couldn't care less."

("Oh, you're gonna stink so bad - ")

" **GET OUT!"**

Lucas threw off the covers, jumped out of his bed, and charged straight at the mouse, barreling his head into him. Pikachu attempted to duck. This attempt was unsuccessful, as Lucas grabbed him and threw him out into the hallway. A few squeals and whines were heard from the mouse until Lucas slapped the _Do Not Disturb_ sign on the door, slammed it shut, and locked it tight.

("Well that was rude!") remarked the mouse. Lucas slammed his fist into the door (causing his knuckles to crack loudly), and Pikachu, frightened, scampered off. Lucas heard a few cross mutters, and he knew he was going to get in trouble for missing an 'important' dinner. Pikachu was not a tattletale, but he did have friends (Kirby, Jigglypuff, etc.), and with friends, word spreads quickly. And it would eventually get to Master Hand's own… ears?

Lucas didn't care about getting in trouble. He just wanted to sleeeeep. He didn't care if he got dessert taken away for two months. He was just sleepy…

…

…

…

"Zzz… zzz… zzz…"

Ness was lucky enough to get 35th place in line. Most kids like him were shoved to the back immediately by the bigger (and mostly antagonist) smashers. But today was steak for dinner. He wasn't giving up his chance to get a big, juicy, delicious piece of steak, even if some stupid Wario farted in his face. He could see it, sitting there on a nice big platter, just waiting to be eaten…

Food ran out fast when you were one of 58 smashers. Now it was even worse since 7 of them had shown up a few weeks ago. Including Lucas. Well, before that, it was still horrible.

Pittoo had managed to get two spots in front of Ness. Falco stood between them, still looking depressed at the lack of performance quality he'd shown lately. In Brawl, he'd been high tier. Poor guy. Now even Ness was higher on the freaking tier list.

Ness entertained himself in line by seeing what place in the tier lot he would be, if Sm4sh were Brawl again. Probably much higher.

Yep. Guessed right. He was now 19th out of the 38th Brawl characters. Aww, if only those new characters could just scram!

Wait, why was he thinking that?!

Ness should've be grateful for the new characters. The 2 Villagers, MM, Pittoo… why was he suddenly wishing they were gone?

Ness sighed and looked over to see who was at the end of the line. Mike Villager. Fiona was right in front of him. Duck Hunt was third to last. Huh, that was no surprise. Some of the smallest smashers. Course they were going to be shoved to the back.

Ness was now 15th in line. Gah, the steak was almost gone! He knew it would be replaced when it was all eaten up, but for some reason, it got him pissed. He wanted that steak, and now!

 _Deep breaths._ Said his conscience.

 **Shut up.**

Ness tried to remember how Fiona and Mike got their nicknames (in a way to entertain himself).

 _The two villagers had arrived on the first day, along with 51 smashers. They were technically the same person, but there were two of them. A boy and a girl._

 _Ness had bumped into them the opening ceremony. He had asked, "What's your name?"_

 _The boy had looked at him blankly. "Name?" He had said slowly. "I don't… have one."_

" _..."_

" _..."_

" _Okay then…"_

" _..."_

 _Ness turned to the girl. "What's your name?"_

 _The girl had looked at him blankly, the same way as the boy did. "Name? I don't have one."_

" _..."_

" _..."_

" _Um.."_

" _..."_

" _What do I call you, then?" Ness had asked, confused._

" _I don't know." The girl had shrugged._

 _Ness had frowned. "Since you're female, I'll call you something that starts with F. How about…" he had thought for a moment. "Fiona?"_

" _Okay." Said the girl. "I like that!"_

" _Since your brother is make, I'll call him something that starts with M. How about…" he had searched his brain for names again. "Mike, short for Michael?"_

" _That sounds nice, but I'll ask him anyway." Said the girl. She had skipped away to the boy. They came back to him, smiling._

" _I like that." Said the boy. "Whatever works!"_

…

"Ness!"

Ness was snapped back to reality by the sound of Peach's voice. "Gahwah?"

"Get your dinner!" said the princess, rolling her eyes.

 _You dork, why were you thinking of how your friends got their nicknames? That's so dumb…_

 **Next time you pipe up, I'm gonna punch you.**

 _You can't._

 **Oh yeah.**

 _Idiot._

 **You take that back!**

 _Hehe._

 **SHUP UP!**

 _Woah, sheesh, Temper, temper!_

 **Sigh* Please, just like, SHUT THAT BIG MOUTH OF YOURS…!**

"NESS!"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry!" Said Ness, blushing. He picked up his tray and helped himself to Mac&cheese, broccoli, an apple (smashers were required to have at l vegetable and 1 fruit during meals), French fries, pizza, tomato soup, and finally, a huge hunk of steak. Zelda looked at him with disdain, as he had took the last piece of steak. She sighed and strode over to the Waiting for Replacement line, as did about everyone else in the line. Ness grinned sheepishly and ran back to a faraway table to avoid the all the smashers glares.

Just as he was about to sit down at an empty table, Pittoo stood up and waved from his own table. "Ness! Over here!" Hearing this, Ness gladly moved himself next to Pittoo, relieved of the angry stares from the smashers in line.

Pittoo smiled and beckoned Ness a bit closer. "Did you hear that Roy kissed Zelda last night?" He said, under his breath. "Link still hasn't found out!" At Ness's raised eyebrows, he nodded and took a bite of his apple.

"Nope, never heard." Ness said. Both Pit and his clone had this knack for being where they weren't supposed, and therefore, finding out lots of… juicy gossip.

"I happened to be walking by, when Roy and Zelda were in the Men's Bathroom at midnight!" _Already illegal._ Thought Ness. _Well, not like no one does it. Everyone has, at least once a week. Pittoo continued excitedly._ "A-and they started frenching out, right there on the spot. They didn't even see me!"

MM slid onto the bench next to the two, apparently catching a few words of what Pitoo said. "Fill me in, please." He said, slicing a small piece of steak and putting it into his mouth.

"I caught Roy and Zelda frenching!" Exclaimed Pittoo, loud enough for the entire dining hall to hear. There was a long silence as everyone stopped talking and stared in their direction. Ness braced himself for more ruckus as Link's scowling face turned their way.

"Say what?!" Said a very angry Link.

Pittoo, finally realizing the mistake he had made, shrunk back. Ness and MM exchanged worried glances. Pittoo gulped. "Um, nothing!"

"Don't play dumb with me!" Roared Link, standing up and marching over to their table. "What did you say?" He snarled and he drew his sword.

Pittoo's voice was very small. "Roy and Zelda…" he faltered, seeing the intruiged stares from the other smashers. Everyone around here was so hungry for gossip, Ness was revolted. "Roy and Zelda were…" he took a deep breath and spat out the words as if he were relieved to get rid of them. "Frenching out in the Men's Bathroom."

Link narrowed his eyes. "Your fibbing, aren't you? Zelda would never do that!"

"Uh," Pittoo looked confused. "Well then, why are they both missing dinner?"

Link looked through the dining hall, scowling, until he realized, Pittoo's statement was… _true._ His scowl grew even larger and his face grew even redder. He stormed out of the lunchroom. Ness cringed. Oh gosh, Roy and (maybe) Zelda were gonna get it, for sure.

Five minutes later, Link returned to the dining hall with a very guilty Zelda in tow. As for Roy, he was slung over Link's shoulder like a screaming sack of potatoes. Ness felt a little sorry for the guy, but he did french Zelda, and that was just _asking_ for trouble. The only person who frenched Zelda was Link, according to, well, Link.

Talk about unelected people enforcing their own laws.

"You - " Link yelled so many profanities that about % of the smashers cringed at. The only person who didn't cringe was Captain Falcon, who just shouted: "Ya man! That's what I'm talking about!"

"Link," Cried Zelda, her face flushed. "Language!"

Link dropped Roy on Wii Fit Trainer's food. She scowled and pummeled him so much that he couldn't even "Stretch those muscles!" even if he wanted to. Poor guy. Beaten up (unscheduled) by two people.

Link clenched his teeth and glared at Zelda, who timidly waved. He scowled. "You've cheating on me, and all you can say is" he batted his eyelashes and mocked Zelda in a high-pitched voice. "Link, language!" He glowered at her, causing her eyes to water. "I saved you from Ganondorf so many times, and this is how you repay me?!"

"Link, it was only twice!" She cooed. "During this very dinner, and last night. I swear we didn't have any strong feelings for each other, did we, Roy?"

All eyes went to Roy, who was laying on the floor, unconscious do to Wii Fit Trainer's punching. He just moaned a little, and Zelda took this as a no. She smiled charmingly. "See, Link? We just did it out of… curiosity."

"Yeah," Link's scowl turned into a relieved smile. He took Zelda's hand. "Come on, Babe. Let's go."

Huh, Link must've been in denial. Pretty much everyone who was old enough had "strong feelings" for Zelda. Since there was a very intense lack of women in the mansion, all the single guys were really targeting Samus, Palutena, Wii Fit Trainer, Bayonetta, Rosalina, Lucina, Corrin, Robin, and other single women. For the younger boys, Fiona. Pokémon and animals also sort of had the hots for Jigglypuff.

About every smasher in the dining room watched the couple leave with interest. Ness spotted Little Mac and Green Ninja sneaking out to follow them. Ness sighed, knowing there would be some gossip going around tomorrow.

Pittoo sheepishly smiled at a now awake Roy, who was glaring in his direction. Couldn't blame him. Pittoo had just ruined his chances with Zelda. Roy drew his sword and advanced on him. The two (immature) boys ran off, playing a more brutal version of… tag. Where the tagger tries to murder the runner.

By now, everyone was finished getting lunch. Ness and MM were joined by a confused Toon Link, a baffled Mike, and a blushing Fiona, who knew that what she had just seen was going to happen to her someday.

Pit sauntered up to their table, looking smug. Palutena followed, smiling charmingly. Ness groaned. What were they here for? He stuffed a piece of broccoli in his mouth and ate some Mac&cheese, trying to signal to them that they were **busy.**

The two reached their table. Palutena bid them all hello, and when they did nothing in response, Pit cleared his throat. The friends groaned inwardly and said the formal version of hello:

"Good day, Lady Palutena. It is a great honor to have you here, thank you."

Ness hated that, but Pit always insisted, whenever they met in the Common Room, that they greet Palutena in this way. Sheesh, just because she was a goddess doesn't mean that everyone must hail her.

Palutena smiled and flipped her bright green hair. "Thank you."

Ness rolled his eyes.

Pit folded his wings and cleared his throat. Ugh, what garbage did he have to say? "Ahem. I would like to inform you that spying on others while they are… exchanging love is very intrusive. Especially if it would cause drama li - "

Ness snorted. "We didn't even spy, and it's not like you don't!"

Ness didn't care that Palutena was watching. Or that Pit's face was red with fury. He just crossed his arms.

"N-Ne- H-Ho- D-!" The angel sputtered. This guy had temper issues.

Palutena chuckled. "He does have a point," she twirled on her toes and spun around on her staff. If Ness didn't know any better, he would've thought she was flirting. "Come on Pit, let's go."

Pit glowered at Ness. "Yes, Lady Palutena."

The two angels turned and walked away. Palutena briskly and happily, while Pit heavily and angrily. Ness rolled his eyes. Pit was _such_ a kisser-upper. Ness sighed and finished the last of his steak, starting on the pizza. Within seconds, it was devoured.

"He's so annoying." Said Mike, frowning. "He's always like, 'oh Lady Palutena' this, and 'oh Lady Palutena' that."

"I know, right?" Fiona twirled her hair around her finger. "He's so booooring and matuuuure. Way too boooooring and matuuuure."

Toon sighed. "He's the only one who kisses us to Palutena, and he expects everyone else to do so, too."

It was about 8:00 now, and since Ness had nothing to do, he decided to hit the hay early. "Night guys, I'm gonna go to bed."

MM gawked. "Why? It's only like, 8:00."

Ness shrugged. "Night." He finished the last of his meal and returned his tray. He then started out the door, down the hallway and into the elevator.

As he rode the glass box up to the third floor, he caught sight of his peculiar reflection. His eyes… were much brighter. Instead of being deep violet like usual, they were a bright blue. Ness shook his head and closed his eyes. He was probably just… seeing things.

 _Strange, huh?_

 **Piss off, will ya?**

 _Scoff* I'm offended._

 **I hate you, so shut your trap.**

 _Rude!_

 **Rude yourself!**

 _You know what? I'm just gonna stop talking._

 **Thank goodness!**

…

…

Well, now that his ever so annoying conscience had shut up, Ness was free to think without that stupid voice interrupting his thoughts. He studied his new reflection once more, examining what the hell was wrong with his eyes.

The elevator doors opened and Ness stepped out. He wasn't sleepy at all, but he was boooooored. So sleeping was the thing he was gonna do. Ness went down the hall and opened the door to his room, frowning at the _do not disturb_ sign plastered on it.

Lucas was sound asleep, snoring away, all wrapped up in a bundle of blankets. Ness envied his peacefulness and his tampon free mind. _Ah, the good old days, before the puberty talk._ He thought wistfully. _If only we stayed outside…_

They would've stayed at the beach, but Lucas decided that he was sleepy. Ness sighed and headed to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth, took a shower, and changed into a fresh pair of pajamas.

Ness wasn't sleepy at all, so he got some sleeping pills from the closet and took a tablet with some water. Immediately, he began to feel drowsy.

After a few minutes, Ness fell into a deep slumber.

Ness woke to the distant sound of birds chirping. He checked the bed next to him, surprised to see Lucas still asleep. Well that was rare. His blonde friend always woke up early, much earlier than he did.

Yawning and stretching, he checked the clock. He was even more surprised to see that it was still 7:30. He never woke up this early. This was the time when _Lucas_ usually woke up. Ness woke up at 9:00, usually!

Ness sat on his bed, waiting for Lucas to wake up. He was sure that his friend would stir, sit up, greet Ness, and they would get up with each other. But, the blonde didn't. Ness couldn't even see Lucas, due to his friend being wrapped up in blankets. Shaking his head, Ness slid out of bed, shivering at the lack of something warm. He stood next to Lucas's bed, smiling mischievously. Slowly, he reached out his hand and poked Lucas, but he didn't stir. Sighing, he decided that he might as well get up without his fellow psychic.

Still baffled at his sudden early rising, he chuckled and said to himself:

"Huh, last time I woke up his early, it was in Brawl!"

He suddenly gasped, clutching his throat.

That wasn't his voice!

So… why did it come from his lips?

 **Author's Notes**

 **Thanks for reading, Chapter 2 coming out soon. Sorry this chapter was boring.**

 **Also, special thanks to my sister for just... being there and helping me write (sort of). See, as I'm writing this Author's Notes, she is right next to me! Say hi, sister!**


	2. 2: Who is Who?

**Hi guys! Sorry it took so long to post.**

 **Anyway, here's Chapter 2!**

 **BEWARE OF CLIFFHANGER**

 **Chapter 2**

Ness was scared.

He sat in bed, the blankets pulled tight around him, afraid to speak.

What was that voice?

Might as well give it a try, hopefully his normal voice was back.

"Hello?" He said timidly.

It wasn't.

That voice he was talking in wasn't his own voice, it was Lucas's. Why was he speaking in his best friend's voice?

 _It must have been the sleeping pills._ He thought, desperately. _Yes, it must've been the sleeping pills._

There was no point moping around. He had no fights till 10:30, so he could just goof off until then. He could actually be early for breakfast, for once. Usually, he was about an forty five minutes late. Breakfast started at 8:30 and ended at 10:00, and he'd usually arrive there at 9:15.

Ness brushed his teeth, not even bothering to comb his hair. Seriously, it was always tangled and unkempt, combing it did absolutely nothing. He got dressed in his usual outfit. Except - when he put on his cap, it wouldn't fit on his head. He pressed it down, but it just popped back up. Now he was getting a bit frustrated. He felt his hair, and was surprised to feel an increasing slope at the front. A ski slope? No, what would he have a ski slope in his hair? A cowlick? He scoffed. Only Lucas had those!

Wait… Ness now had Lucas's voice, and Lucas's hair?

Well, yeah right. The hair was probably just because… it got messed up while he was sleeping? Yeah, maybe sleeping rough gave cowlicks to your hair?

Okay, that's just weird. But Ness was pretty sure it was just nothing.

 _Pretty_ sure.

Ness just slammed his hat down on his head. The front of its didn't really fit comfortably, but it was fine. He decided that he would just go to breakfast now. Making sure to not wake his roommate, he opened the door slowly and stepped outside into the hallway. He carefully shut the door and started down the hallway and into the elevator. Ness decided that he would see what was up with his hair (get it? Cause his hair goes up) in the glass reflection. But he was greeted by Little Mac and (girl) Corrin, who blocked him. Early risers.

"Morning Lucas." Said Corrin.

Ness frowned. "Morning, but I'm not Lucas. I'm Ness."

"Of course you are Lucas." Snorted Little Mac. "Just because you're cosplaying Ness doesn't mean we're gonna get fooled."

"I'm not Lucas! I'm Ne - "

Corrin rolled her eyes. "Why are you even cosplaying Ness anyway?"

"I'm not cosplaying!" Said Ness, starting to panic. "I'm really Ness!"

Little Mac rolled his eyes. "Could've fooled me."

"I'm actually Ness!" He pleaded desperately. "My voice sounds like Lucas's because of some sleeping pills and my hair is in a cowlick because it messed up while I was sleeping!"

Wow, when he said those excuses out loud, they sounded much dumber than when he said them in his head.

Little Mac doubled over in laughter when Corrin frowned. "So… that explains your face and blond hair?"

"Blonde hair?" Ness asked, confused. "I don't have - "

"Yes you do…" said Corrin slowly as if talking to a five year old.

Ness was dumbfounded. But Little Mac thought this was hilarious. "Ha, so you're telling me that suddenly, Ness developed blond hair, a cowlick, a face that somehow just _happens_ to look just like Lucas's, Lucas's voice, and the tendency to wake up early? Ha! Could've fooled me…!"

"I - " Ness was lost for words. Corrin raised her eyebrows.

"Lucas, I think you should visit the Infirmary." said Corrin. "Did you eat anything that could've been harmful last night?"

"No!" Ness exclaimed. "Except for some sleeping pills… but I'm not crazy!"

"I'm not saying that you are crazy." said Corrin. "But maybe those sleeping pills destroyed an important gland in your brain."

Ness closed his eyes. _I must be dreaming._ He thought. _This is all just one, crazy, bad dream. And it will blow over soon._ He pinched himself to prove his thoughts, but instead of feeling nothing, he felt a sharp pain right where he pinched himself. Shocked, his thoughts scrambled to find another explanation. _It's phantom pain! This must be phantom pain!_

"Lucas, you're not dreaming." said Little Mac, still chuckling.

"I must be!" said Ness. "I'm not Lucas! I'm Ness."

"Lucas, are you feeling fine?" asked Corrin, feeling his forehead. Ness scowled and nodded. He took her hand off his forehead.

"Okay, I'm fine, I'm Ness, and I'm not Lucas!" he yelled.

"Yeah, right." scoffed Little Mac.

Ness was too busy arguing with Little Mac and Corrin to even check his reflection in the glass like he planned. Before he knew it, the elevator doors slid open with a ding, and Little Mac and Corrin stepped out. Ness clenched his fists and started to the dining hall to ask some other early risers like Pikachu, Samus, Marth, Lucina, Olimar, Ryu, Mewtwo, Bayonetta, and others. In the dining hall, he was greeted by Pikachu and Samus. Pikachu was on Samus's shoulder.

("Hello Lucas!") said Pikachu. ("Next time I call you to dinner, don't do that!")

Ness forced a smile. "I'm not Lucas, I'm Ness, and I have no idea what you're talking about. I was at dinner early."

"Lucas, don't be silly. We have a fight at 9:30, so change into your normal clothes." said Samus. "Just me and you, 4 stock, 8 minutes, on Battlefield."

Ness huffed. "I'm not Lucas! I'm Ness!"

("Don't be stupid.") said Pikachu. ("You have Lucas's voice, Lucas's face, Lucas's blond hair, Lucas's cowlick, and Lucas's rising early abilities.")

"You also probably have Lucas's PSI." added Samus.

Ness clenched his teeth. "I am not Lucas."

"Yeah you are."

"No I'm not."

("Yeah you are.")

"No I'm not."

"Yeah you are."

"No I'm not."

("Yeah you are.")

"No, I am NOT."

"Yeah you are."

" _No. I. Am. Not!_ "

"Yeah you are."

"I'M NOT FREAKING LUCAS!" Ness screeched so loud that heads turned his way. "STOOOOOOOP!"

"Woah, Lucas." said Samus, patting his head. "Calm down. It's not like you to get angry."

"BECAUSE I'M NOT LUCAS!" he fumed. "WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT?"

"Because you are, dumbo." snorted a passing Ryu.

"I am not!" Ness seethed.

"Yes you are, Lucas." said Bayonetta as she passed by.

"Shut up!" shouted Ness.

"If you need to learn how to talk to a lady, ask your mum!" replied Bayonetta as she did her overly sexy dance away from him.

("Shut up!") shouted Pikachu.

"If you need to learn how to talk to a lady, ask your mum!" said Bayonetta again.

"Shut up!" shouted Samus.

"If you need to learn how to talk to a lady, ask your mum!" said Bayonetta once more.

"I _am_ a lady, so piss off."

Bayonetta feigned shock. "I thought we were friends!"

"We are, Bayo. I just hate that taunt of yours." said Samus snarkily.

Ness scowled. This was getting too stupid. "Hey, people! Just don't call me Lucas, and call me Ness. I am Ness. I am not Lucas. Okay?"

Bayonetta rolled her eyes. "If you say so, _Lucas_."

"I'm not Lucas, I'm Ness!"

("I'm gonna get some food.") said Pikachu. He leapt off of Samus's shoulder and dashed off to the serving table.

The bounty hunter sighed. "Yeah, I will too. Lucas, ya coming?"

'Lucas' sighed. "I'm Ness, for the last time."

Samus rolled her eyes. "Seriously Lucas, this isn't funny. Now go change into your normal clothes. It's already 8:00, and we have a fight at 9:30. So go change. Remember that we always have to report to the Take Off Center 30 minutes before the fight."

Ness rolled his eyes. "Whatever. And I am in my usual outfit. I am Ness!"

Samus shot him a withering glare. "Lucas, cut it out! Go change, now!"

"I am in my outfit already!"

"Go change, you dork!"

"No!"

Sighing, Samus picked up Ness like a sack of potatoes and slung him over her shoulder. "I'm taking you back to your room, where you will _change into your ordinary outfit._ "

Ness yelped and hit her back with his fists, but she just thumped his once with her arm and he stopped. He scowled as he saw the glances he had attracted, but whatever.

"Samuuuus!" he whined. "Lemme go!"

"Not until you are changed." she said flatly. She started up the stairs. Samus was an exercise loving always-walk-up-the-stairs-you-lazy-butt kind of person, and even while carrying Ness, she managed to make it up to the third floor.

Samus came to Ness's room and opened the door. Ugh, curse himself for not locking it! Samus stepped inside and dumped Ness on the bed. Groaning, he sat up.

"Now, I'm not letting you out until you change into your proper clothes."

Before Ness could protest, she closed the door.

Muttering to himself, he searched Lucas's drawer for his outfit and put it on, making sure not to wake the sleeping blond. Ugh, how odd wearing this felt. How light it was felt without his backpack and cap. A _bad_ type of light. This was just _weird._ Plus, instead of having a bat, he had a branch. Instead of a yoyo, he had a freaking rope snake that just looked so stupid, he wanted to gag.

But he was forced to wear this outfit, or that meant prison in his room. So, scowling, he opened the door to see an expectant looking Samus. She looked him up and down, and apparently was satisfied.

As a 'reward' she picked him up and took him down back to the dining hall as well.

Oh, joy…

When Samus plopped Ness back on some table in the middle of the dining room, she bid him goodbye and left. Ness immediately began searching for Lucas, as it was already 8:15. But nooo. He still wasn't up yet. Now, Ness really needed him here to show all the other smashers that his fellow psychic was the real Lucas, and that he was Ness.

Huh, that was strange. Lucas still wasn't up yet.

But at least, Fiona and Mike were here, getting their food. Ness could ask _them_ if he was Lucas. Surely they'd know better!

"Mike! Fiona!" called Ness as he jumped up off the table.

Fiona saw him and waved. "Hello Lucas!"

"Hi Lucas!" said Mike.

Ness's heart sank. Even his Villager friends thought he was Lucas. There was no point in arguing, he was already in Lucas's outfit and everything. He could just.. Play along. He sighed dejectedly and waved half-heartedly. "Hi."

Ness got in line behind them. Luckily, most of the bigger, antagonist smashers weren't up yet, so Ness was happy to get 8th place in line. Better than 35th.

For breakfast, there was bacon, omelettes, cereal, hash browns, pancakes, oatmeal, waffles, eggs, and pretty much every breakfast food you could imagine. Well, not _every_ kind, but lots of varieties.

 _Too bad there's no steak, huh?_

 **You're back.**

 _Did you think I'd stop talking forever?_

 **Guess I was hoping too much. And by the way, who has steak for breakfast?**

 _You do._

His conscience brought back a memory of Ness at home, having leftover steak for breakfast while everyone else in his family had pancakes.

 **That was a one time thing.**

His conscience zapped another memory into his mind. This was of a time where Ness, back at home, was seen begging his mother to make steak for breakfast.

 **Hey! I was only asking for it, I didn't actually get to eat any steak.**

The memory continued, and Ness saw his mother sigh and put a slab of raw steak in the pan. She started cooking the juicy, good steak. When it was done, Ness's (real and memory) mouth watered. Ness (in the memory) ate it hungrily.

 **Fine, you got me there. But still! That was only twice**

His conscience brought to life yet another memory. In this one, Ness's family was having leftovers for breakfast. Ness was seen stealing his sister's steak and gobbling it down while she complained and -

 **That's enough!**

 _You know, we hate each other so much. How am I even your conscience?_

 **Good question. But I bet other people's conscience's are half as annoying, incompetent, and stupid as you.**

 _Aww, thank you!_

 **Now really, shut up!**

 _Hate you too!_

 **I will beat your head with my baseball bat.**

 _You can't… dumbo._

Stupid conscience. You're worst enemy is yourself.

"Lucas!" said Fiona, jerking him out of his thoughts. "Look there are omelettes! Your favorite food!"

Lucas loved omelettes. Ness didn't know what the big deal was about them. He had seen Lucas stuffing his face with them, but Ness had always been more fond of steak. "Um, actually, I'll pass on the omelettes."

"I'm sorry, what?" asked Mike, his mouth open. "Who are you and what have you done with the real Lucas?!"

"I'm Ness, and I've done nothing with the real Lucas." said Ness, annoyed. "I don't know what happened, but suddenly, people started calling me Lucas. Just now, Samus picked me up and carried me back to my room and made me put on Lucas's outfit."

Fiona blinked. "Um, I think that's just a bit too far. Cause you have blond hair and bright blue eyes. Plus, you have Lucas's face and voice. So the Ness I know has black hair, violet eyes, Ness's face, and Ness's voice."

Why would no one believe him?!

"I am Ness!" he said, not wanting to go through this again.

"Hi Lucas." said a passing Pittoo.

Ness fumed silently. Mike cleared his throat. "And the Ness we know wakes up really late. It's 8:20, so I don't think…"

Ness sighed. He was sick of this. Sick of trying to convince people that _he was Ness_. He was just sick of it! "I'm not even gonna try to convince you… I've had enough of this."

Fiona smiled. "Good! Let's get some food!" she said happily. Ness facepalmed. Ugh, why were these people so freaking naive?!

The Villagers ignored his facepalm and happily started piling their trays with food. Ness shook his head in disbelief. He envied their naivete. How could something like this be happening, and they were still happy as clams?

Ness got his food, and purposely took no omelettes. He saw Rosalina (who was standing right behind him in line) look quizzically at him. Ness braced himself for the onslaught of questions.

"Lucas, dear." said Rosalina. "There are omelettes, your favorite!"

"Yeah, I'll pass." grumbled Ness.

Rosalina frowned. "You have never ever skipped out on omelettes."

"What do you mean?" asked Ness. "I don't like omelettes! Where have you gotten that absurd idea from?"

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked.

"I'm feeling fine!" snapped Ness irritably.

"This is so unlike you, Lucas."

"Well, maybe it's because I'm not Lucas!"

Their arguing was starting to attract attention. Mewtwo (who was sitting at a nearby table) cleared his throat. "What is going on over there?"

"He claims that he is not Lucas." said Rosalina.

Mewtwo laughed. "Silly boy! That's like saying that I'm not Mewtwo, but I'm Lucario!" Lucario, who sat across from him, chuckled.

"Yes, Lucas." said Rosalina. "Go back to your normal level headed self and get some omelettes. You're holding up the line."

Ness wanted to scream. But instead, he sighed and plastered on a fake smile. "Yes, silly me. I don't know what came over me, but for a moment, I thought I was Ness!" Rosalina then reached over and began piling omelettes on Ness's plate. She put on 2 and she stopped. Ness was about to urge her to put some more on, but then he realized that Lucas couldn't eat that much. Ness always ate a lot, but Lucas ate like a bunny in Ness's view. _Ugh, who cares?_ He thought, and to her surprise, piling on 2 more omelettes. _I'm not even Lucas anyway. I'll eat however much I want, if not what I want._

Why were they even making him eat omelettes anyway? They never made Lucas eat any omelettes. Maybe that was because Lucas always took them by choice. But still! Ness could eat whatever he wanted!

Ness was about to ask Rosalina why the heck she was making him eat these omelettes when Luma bumped him in the back. ("Get some more food!") said Luma. ("You're holding up the line!")

Ness sighed and proceeded getting food and doing the regular breakfast routine. He decided bugging Rosalina wouldn't get him anywhere, it would only succeed in annoying some coffee-deprived smashers in the back of the line (the smashers needed their morning coffee, and the coffee maker was out of business today. Out of business, meaning Bowser had smashed it in a fury and it was being fixed. So these coffee-deprived smashers had to get their coffee from the breakfast buffet, so that meant all those coffee-deprived smashers were grumpy). The Villagers ahead of him were already sitting at tables and eating. He quickened his pace, seeing that his argument earlier had caused line traffic (which was when the line got much longer and people got food slower due to other people in front getting food slower due to the people at the front of the line getting food super slow).

He sat down next to the Villagers (who were playing Patty Cake) and brainlessly ate his omelettes. Honestly, what was the big deal, and why did Lucas love them so much? Whatever. For some reason, Ness couldn't eat the amounts he usually ate. The omelettes he had added to his plate lay untouched by the end of breakfast. He didn't know why, he just wasn't that hungry. He felt like he couldn't eat another bite. So those 2 extra omelettes he'd piled on earlier - those were going to the trash.

Apparently, according to Samus, he had a fight with her at 9:30. He had to be at the Take Off center half an hour before the fight to get launched. It was about 8:45 now. He had 15 minutes to search for the real Lucas and get him over to the smashers. Then this identity fiasco could all be over, and he could be known as Ness again.

The Villagers were arguing over who was more famous, Girl Corrin or Guy Corrin, Girl Robin or Guy Robin, and most importantly, Fiona or Mike. Ness didn't care. While the Villagers got into a heated discussion over which Robin was more famous (eventually Pittoo joining in the conversation), Ness chewed his omelettes absentmindedly, not paying attention to the fact that he was squirting ketchup all over his apple (much to Pittoo's disgust).

"Hmm…" Ness bit into his ketchup covered apple. "This apple tastes funny." he absentmindedly dipped it into the mustard that slathered his bacon and bit into it again. "Huh, that tastes even funnier…" and the apple went into the soy sauce covered oranges, and back into his mouth. "Even weirder. This apple gets weirder and weirder… I tell you!" ugh… and the apple dipped into the wasabi, which was squirted all over his omelettes. "And spicy!"

Pittoo disgustedly snatched the apple from Ness's grip and wiped it down with a napkin. He offered it back to the psychic who, lost in thought, dropped it into the wasabi again, causing gasps of exasperation from the angel.

What was clouding Ness's find was… just this whole fiasco. Why were people saying he was Lucas, and why did he suddenly have Lucas's early rising tendencies, too? Not to mention Lucas's appetite. And Lucas's reputation. Being Lucas for a day was quite crazy. There were endless possibilities…

But then again, Ness would miss his trusty bat in his backpack. He would miss his yoyo, so stretchy and perfect for the battle. He would miss fighting in his own way, Ness's way. There were pros and cons for being Lucas for a day.

But… was he going to be Lucas for only a day? What if this lasted weeks, months, years… forever? Oh no! He would miss his family - the mere thought of going to the village of Tazmily, back to the memory of a dead mother and a lost brother. No, not the memory. He never had Lucas's memories. He would go back to a life in which he never had. A family in which he wasn't from. Oh… forever was not an option. This confusion would only last a day… right?! Yes, it had to! Only for a day, and that was _all_.

Ness finished breakfast and left the Dining Hall, much to the Villagers disappointments. They were just coming to the "good part" of the discussion - which Villager was more famous. Of course they sided with themselves, while Pittoo gave negative and positive thoughts to both teams. Ness's departure wouldn't really matter, though. He never gave any part to the discussion. Just eating strange tasting foods. Why the heck did his apple taste spicy, anyway?

Ness roamed the building, searching for his fellow psychic friend. He surely got up by now, right? Lucas surely must be coming down in the elevator, ready for breakfast. Lucas rarely ever rose this late. But as he waited by the elevator, doubt began to creep into his mind. Was Lucas _still_ asleep? He surely must be at the Dining Hall now, waiting for Ness!

Yes… maybe just when Ness had left the Dining Hall, Lucas had entered. Ness used his last minutes by searching the Dining Hall for his friend, to no avail.

Ness began to get worried. Where was Lucas?

Well, there was no time to figure that out now. He had to get to the Take Off center. Samus must be waiting, and she did not like to be kept that way. So, wondering how he was going to fight without his bat and yoyo, he hurried off to the Take Off center.

Lucas woke, wondering why it was so light in his room. He checked the clock, seeing that it was 9:00. Huh, he never woke up this late. This was the time Ness usually woke up. Then again, now he could go to breakfast _with_ Ness, for once!

Lucas sat up, yawning. He tossed off his covers and checked Ness's bed. Lucas saw that it was empty. Strange! Oh, how strange this was. He was waking up when Ness usually did, and Ness had gotten up earlier. Lucas sighed, realizing that he would have to eat without Ness, in a totally different group of people!

Lucas was shy. Very shy. There was no denying that, and Lucas himself knew it. When he had first gotten his acceptance letter to Brawl, he had stared at the letter, shocked. How could he go to a place with entirely new people, and an entirely different setting? And he didn't have anyone to guide him.

Lucas rubbed the sleep from his eyes and checked his schedule. He cussed inwardly. He would be late for his fight! He had to be at the Take Off center, now! He would have to delay the fight. It was a custom. If someone didn't show up for the fight, it was delayed or even cancelled. If the person was sick, then someone else would do all their fights.

Lucas quickly got out of bed and brushed his teeth. He combed his hair, surprised to not feel the familiar curl of his cowlick. He also had this throbbing pain in his knee. He clenched his teeth and ignored it, although it seemed that every second it grew worse. He found tears coming to his eyes. Gosh, it hurt _so much._ Sniffling shamefully at his crying, he wiped away the tears and limped over to his drawer.

 _Don't be a baby!_

 **I'm not!**

 _Pff, of course you are! A little pain in the knee, and you're crying? You've had worse pain than this. That mental pain you had (which was physical pain for me) when Ness sacrificed himself for you back in Brawl was worse than this!_

 **Don't you dare bring that up.**

Ness's noble sacrifice back in Brawl still hurt Lucas. He felt that he never really helped Ness back. Ness had done something so brave, while Lucas had been standing there, helpless. Ness had been dodging those blasts, while Lucas had been standing there, all cowardly…

 _Don't think about that! Get dressed!_

Lucas opened his drawer and dug around his belongings for his outfit. Frowning, he felt around the wood at the bottom for his clothes. But they weren't there! Ugh, he had to use another costume.

But unfortunately, Lucas remembered that all his other costumes were in the laundry! He groaned inwardly. He would have to call the office to get a laundry order. He limped over to the phone and clicked the button that read in bold letters: **Office.**

After a few moments, someone picked up at the other end. A high pitched girly voice came onto the line. "Hello! This is the office. What can I do for you?" Peach was the office assistant. She picked up all the phone calls and did jobs that Master Hand asked.

"Hi Peach." said Lucas. "This is - " he stopped abruptly. What was wrong with his voice? That wasn't his voice! Yet… it sounded strangely familiar. He was speaking in someone else's voice. He was sure of it. But who? And why?

"Yes, dear?"

"This is Lucas. I'm calling to request a laundry order. My outfits are gone and - "

"Are you sure, dear?"

"Um, yes." said Lucas slowly.

"I mean, are you sure you are Lucas? We have a Lucas at the Take Off center right now. The R. have just reported it. Dear, you sound more like Ness."

"I'm Lucas!" said Lucas, a frown creasing his brow. "I-I'm Lucas! I'm sure of it!"

"Ness, dear. Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm Lucas! I swear!" more tears started forming in his eyes, but he angrily brushed them away. _This-this must be a trick._ He thought. _They're angry at me for missing the Take Off time, so they're pranking me by saying I'm Ness._ But this was unlikely. Smashers rarely ever punished one another for accidentally missing the Take Off time of a fight. Let alone Peach! Why was she, of all people, pranking him?! He decided to apologize for it. That would surely end the prank.

I'm really sorry I missed the Take Off time. But I'll be there soon. If you can just send a laundry order up, then I can make it in a few minutes!"

"You never missed a Take Off time, honey. Your next fight is… let me see…" she paused, and the sound of flipping pages was heard. "At 10:30! You never missed anything. Are you sure you aren't checking Lucas's schedule?"

"I am Lucas!" said Lucas, panicking. "Please, just send a laundry order!"

"But dear, there is no laundry order for Ness. I just checked. You picked up your last one yesterday evening. You should have all your outfits already."

Lucas breathed deeply. What should he do in this situation? "... can you help me? I'm confused!" he began to cry, salty tears sliding down his cheeks and his sobs choking in his throat. He tried to hide it, ashamed at his easily crying tendencies. But hiccups and sobs forced their way out of his mouth and Peach was able to decipher what was happening.

"Just get dressed, honey." Peach said gently. "Shh..." she said this so soothingly and delicately that Lucas was calmed down in a minute. He wiped away his tears and thanked her in his strange voice.

"Are you alright, sweetie?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." he hiccuped involuntarily. He knew this would trigger some more, "are you alright"s from the Mushroom Princess, so he confirmed his statement before she could say anything. "I'm fine, really."

"Sweet! Get dressed, honey. In Ness's outfit, like you're supposed to. Goodbye!" there was a beep, and the princess hung up, probably attending to some other business Master Hand assigned her to. Lucas inhaled sharply and did as she asked, dressing in Ness's clothes.

Ugh, the heaviness of the backpack felt unnatural. And the cap restricted Lucas's vision. This was just so _weird_ …

Lucas, in his new outfit, headed downstairs.

He was greeted by Ganondorf by the doorway. The villain grunted. "Hey Ness." Lucas scowled. Why did people keep calling him Ness.

"I'm Lucas. Thanks."

"Could've fooled me." Ganondorf gave a hearty chuckle. "Hehe. You're Lucas! Craziest thing I've heard…"

Lucas entered the dining hall and got in line. Peach was right in front of him. She smiled. "Hello Ness! It looks like you're doing fine now, honey. I hope you're okay. You seemed pretty shaken up on the phone earlier."

"Thanks for caring." Lucas said. "But, I'm Lucas. Not Ness."

"Your looks say it all." said Peach. "Ness, don't be silly. Anyhow, if you were Lucas, why are you wearing Ness's outfit?"

"Because you told me to." said Lucas dumbly.

Peach laughed. "Dearie, why don't you just have some breakfast." they had already reached the front of the line. "Maybe that will boost your brain a bit. Everyone has some problems in the morning."

Lucas did as she asked. He put an omelette on his plate, along with an apple and some sliced strawberries.

"Since-a-when did you like-a-omelettes, Ness?" asked the unmistakable voice of Luigi.

"Since forever." said Lucas. "I'm Lucas."

Luigi frowned. "I-a-see that you are-a-Ness. Are you-a-okay?"

Lucas sighed. He was beginning to get annoyed. "Yes."

Luigi's shyness got the better of him and he stopped asking. Lucas was able to sit at a table alone without anyone else calling him Ness. Of course, that was because no one talked to him.

Lucas sat down and ate quickly. It was about 9:45 when he left the Dining Hall, and almost immediately the speakers crackled and Peach's girly voice boomed throughout the entire mansion. "Ness and Lucas. Please report to Master Hand's office immediately. Ness and Lucas. Please report to Master Hand's office immediately. Thank you."

Lucas's pulse quickened and he began to feel nervous. Was he in trouble? What did he do? Why was Ness involved? What was happening? Lucas had only been called to Master Hand's office twice or three times. And that was because of the interview and checking in. Nothing like this. Lucas hastily made a beeline for the hand's office. His palms began to sweat. It was easy to make Lucas nervous.

He came to Master Hand's door and knocked. Master Hand's voice boomed. " **Come in!** "

Shyly, Lucas opened the door and closed it softly. He tiptoed into the office and sat down in front of Master Hand's desk. Suddenly ashamed, he looked down and twiddled his thumbs. He spoke in a small voice. "Um, sir? Why am I here?"

" **You and Lucas have been causing some confusion. Saying that you are the other.** " boomed the hand. " **So I called you here to settle the matter.** "

"Yes sir." said Lucas, not bothering to correct the hand with the identities.

A few minutes later (that felt like hours), a knock sounded at the door. Lucas perked up, knowing that Ness was here. He always felt braver with Ness. Plus, he could use Ness to settle the confusion and show Master Hand the real Ness. Then everything would be back to normal.

" **Come in!** "

The door opened slowly, and Lucas found himself looking into the eyes of -

…!

…!

…!

…!

No… there must be some mistake! This must be… a prank!

Because Lucas was looking into the eyes of none other than… himself.

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I warned you about the cliffhanger. Muahaha.**

 **Bye!**


	3. 3: Something

**Author's Notes**

 **Hi guys! It is Fantabulous unicorn! With another chapter.**

 **I know you waiting sooooo long for the last one, and that cliffhanger probably killed you. Or is it just me? Anyway, thanks for staying tuned.**

 **So... after a long wait, here is...(drumroll)... a cat video!**

 **...**

 **Yeah, just kidding. Here's chapter 3 (You guys: awww, I wanted a cat video)!**

 **Chapter 3**

For a moment, everyone was speechless. Except Master Hand. Who could've said anything he wanted, because what he saw was perfectly normal. So in his brain (do hands have brains?), the question was: Why are these kids screaming and yelling?

"AHH!"

"Why are you me?!"

"Why am I you?!"

"Why are you me?!"

"Why do I not know who I am?!"

"Why are you saying that I'm you?! You're the one that's me!"

"No, you're the one that's being me!"

"BOYS!"

The two psychics fell silent immediately, turning their attention over to the giant hand that would've been frowning if it could.

"Boys! This is getting out of… hand!"

"He's me!"

"I'm him!"

"Shhh!" the hand scolded.

"But - "

"Lucas, please sit down."

The boy who looked like Lucas didn't move. "I'm Ness, sir."

"Sit!"

The boy who looked like Lucas promptly sat in the chair next to the boy who looked like Ness. The two sat as far away from each other as possible.

"Ness, please explain your side of the story."

The boy who looked like Lucas cleared his throat and began, but the hand shot him a glare (can hands glare). "I said… Ness!"

"Um, sir? I am Ness." said the boy who looked like Lucas.

Lucas didn't know what to do. That other boy was him, so who was he? That other boy said that he was him, so who was him? Who was who? And who was him, if him was who? Is him who? Or was who him? Who was him and who was who if him was him? There were so many nonsensical questions.

"Ness, begin." commanded the hand.

The boy who looked like Ness looked timidly at the hand. "Um, you mean me?"

"Yes, you! Aren't you Ness?" the hand huffed, which looked like a bunch of his fingers tapping. "These smashers don't have brains, it seems. I liked my old body better - " the hand stopped abruptly and coughed (which looked weird). "Excuse me. Ness, tell your story."

So 'Ness' began. He started with him waking up unusually late, and then finding his outfit missing. Then he continued to the phone conversation with Peach, where he heard himself talking in Ness's voice. He continued to his meltdown, Peach calling him 'Ness,' and the 'other Lucas' who was already at the Take Off center. He went onto breakfast and more smashers greeting him with 'Hey Ness.' When he finished, the other boy who looked like him stared, open mouthed. Master Hand looked a bit surprised, and also horrified.

"That's just what happened to me!" stammered the boy who looked like Lucas.

"Lucas, what happened to you this morning?" asked the hand shakily. The two psychics exchanged confused glances at the hand's sudden lack of composure. Seeing this, Master Hand immediately straightened up and cleared his… throat (do hands have throats?). "Lucas, please begin!"

The boy who looked like Lucas trembled. "Um, me?"

"Yes you, boy!"

"So, well, I woke up in the morning really early. Much earlier than I usually did. And I saw Lucas still not up yet, and I thought it was kinda weird. So I got dressed and went downstairs, and people kept on calling me 'Lucas' and asking 'Why are you cosplaying Ness?' and I kept telling them that I wasn't Lucas and that I wasn't cosplaying. They wouldn't believe me. Samus said that I had a fight with her, and I said that my first fight was at 10:30. Samus told me to change into Lucas's outfit. I refused. Then Samus carried me back to my room and told me that I was staying in there until I changed into Lucas's clothes. So I did, because what choice did I have? So then I went back to breakfast and Rosalina forced me to eat some omelettes, even though I kept insisting that I wasn't Lucas. Then I went to the fight and I had Lucas's PSI! I was trying to shoot out a PK Flash, and out came PK Freeze! I had this weird smash attack, I think you call it PK Love. It's really broken, I killed Samus once with it. But I was so not used to those weird attacks, and I lost really badly."

Lucas was shocked at how similar their stories were. Of course, no one carried him back to his room and forced him to put on Ness's outfit. And no one forced him to eat anything. And he didn't have a fight, but everything else was pretty much the same. Well, except for the cosplaying part. But now Master Hand was almost trembling.

"So, sir, what happened?" asked the boy who looked like Lucas.

"You're lying." said Master Hand suddenly. "Your all lying! This can't be…" then he muttered under his breath so quietly that the psychics almost didn't catch it. "This can't be happening. I mustn't be switched back. Yes… he must stay confined."

"What?" asked the boy who looked like Lucas.

Master Hand shifted uneasily. "I'll admit, Lucas, you do have more confidence than usual. And Ness, you're a bit more shy than usual. But overall, I believe that you two are fibbing. Nice try though. No dessert for three months, and you're grounded. For two months. And 60% handicap on your next 10 fights. And the next 10 stages of those fights will all be the opponents choosing."

"What?!" exclaimed the boy who looked like Ness, trembling. "But - I - " then he burst into tears. "Nooo! This can't be happening! I can't be… like this!" it was too overwhelming. He had almost never been in Master Hand's office, and now he was being punished by the hand himself! And the hand was calling him a liar!

Oh, he remembered back in the first half of Brawl, Master Hand was much nicer. He would take into account the smasher's statements. Not just making assumptions. Because what he had informed Master Hand was true. All of a sudden, Master Hand had forgotten the rules, had trouble with everyone's names and overall, had gotten a lot more strict and meaner. The old Master Hand's punishments were usually, no dessert for a week. Or 30% percent handicap on your next 3 fights. Or grounded for a week. But never 3 months of no dessert! Never two months grounded! Never 60% handicap for the next 10 fights! Never the opponent choosing the next 10 stages! Never this severe.

To make matters worse, grounded didn't mean what it usually meant. Not just not being allowed to go out of the house, but not being allowed to go out of the room. Only for meals and fights were you allowed to go out of the room. To make sure of that, the door was locked.

"Ness! Stop this nonsense!" scolded Master Hand. 'Ness' sniffled and wiped away his tears, ashamed to be crying for the third time that day.

"We're not lying!" cried the boy who looked like Lucas. "I swear! This really happened! Please, just believe us!"

"No more of this!" roared Master Hand. "Go to your room, and don't come out until lunch or your next fight!"

"Please, sir!" pleaded the boy who looked like Lucas. "Just give us a chance! There has to be something you know that can help us! I hate this body!"

The boy who looked like Ness was offended. "Excuse me?! I hate this body! It has knee pains! It huuuuurts…"

"QUIET!" roared Master Hand. Both psychics fell silent, trembling in fear. Master Hand sighed. "I suppose I do know something. But… it can't be." he stopped. the boys looked at him pleadingly. Finally, the hand spoke. "Yesterday… did you happen to come across a blue shell?"

Both psychics looked shocked. The boy who looked like Lucas stammered. "Yes! How did you know?"

The hand turned even whiter than it's normal color. "No! It can't be!"

"What?" asked the boy who looked like Lucas, intrigued. "Tell us!"

The boy who looked like Ness didn't know how the other boy could speak to the hand so fearlessly. If he were the other boy, he'd be melting to tears. He couldn't believe how brave this boy was. Was this other boy really the Ness he'd known all these years?

"There is… something. You two must never reveal this to anyone." said the hand slowly. He took a deep breath. "Well, there were some shells. When a person touched the shell, the first person they touched or who touched them, would swap bodies with them the very next day. The transformation happens at night, so the second person would feel very tired because the transformation was already taking place and using up the person's energy."

The boy who looked like Ness couldn't help but gasp. "Oh! So that's why I was so tired last night!"

"The next morning the two people would swap bodies. They would keep their brains, of course. But they would obtain the other person's abilities, habits, ailments, appetite, discomforts, looks, and other things. The two victims would wake up in the other victim's bed the next morning. So the victims would find themselves wherever the other victim was when they fell asleep." Master Hand said this all very faintly. He looked afraid. "But, it couldn't be."

"But it did." said Ness (the boy who looked like Lucas, who everyone now knew was Ness). "It happened. I'm telling you!"

The hand shuddered. "This is impossible. There were only two known shells in this world. One shell was acquired and destroyed. The other shell is in my possession. It is weak. I suspect that the amount of transformation magic left in that is very low. Those are the only two shells. So you couldn't have possibly done it."

"But we did!" said Ness, exasperated. "I swear. We've been through this! I found a blue shell and now this happened."

"There must be a third shell." said Lucas. "Ness chucked it out to sea yesterday."

"Ness?" the hand groaned. "I'm afraid you'll never find it. I'm sorry, but you two will just have to stay in each other's bodies." for some reason, the hand sounded relieved. Lucas gazed at him quizzically. Why was Master Hand happy about this?

"Can we use yours?" asked Ness hopefully. "Pleeease?"

"No!" bellowed Master Hand. "It is a sacred object. I will not allow it."

"But - " Ness panicked. "I can't live my life in this body! I wanna see my family again! I don't wanna live with people I don't even know!"

At the mention of his family, Lucas's chest tightened. His family was something that was very painful to him, like Ness's sacrifice in Brawl. Painful memories, these were. Lucas tried his best to push them away. But sometimes, in his dreams, his family was there. His beautiful smiling mother, his twin brother Claus, and his father. He never forgot the day where a savage beast killed his mother, tearing apart the life Lucas once knew.

"Please, sir!" Lucas pleaded. "We can't live like this."

Master Hand didn't soften. "No, you cannot use my shell. It is a priceless artifact. Not to be touched by foolish boys."

Ness scowled. Lucas looked hurt.

The hand sighed deeply. "I suppose there is a possibility that there was a third shell. But now that Ness has thrown it into the ocean, who knows where it could be?"

Ness looked crestfallen. "I was hoping that you would."

Master Hand stiffened. "I don't."

Ness had a mischievous gleam in his eye. It didn't really suit his new Lucas look, but Lucas knew it was there. Oh, yes he always knew it was there when he saw it. "Well… then why do you look like you're lying? I can see that in your… eyes. Come on, admit it. You do know something."

For a moment, Master Hand looked genuinely afraid. His fingers trembled, then he cleared his throat. "That is rude behavior! You shall have another day with no dessert! How dare you accuse me of lying!" but his voice was weak and beads of hand sweat trickled down his thumb. Lucas couldn't help but think this was strange. Master Hand (especially after the change) was a tough… hand. This sudden fear of his was quite strange. Lucas wouldn't dare point it out, but Ness had no such fears.

"Are you… scared of the shell?" asked Ness, raising an eyebrow. Master Hand slammed the floor with his thumb, causing some crashes and yelps from the floor below.

"I am not feeling such thing!" roared Master Hand.

"Can we use your shell?" asked Ness once more.

"No! And that is my final answer. The shell is not to be put into the hands of silly boys to meddle with."

Ness looked crestfallen. Lucas, for once, piped up timidly. "Sir? May you at least tell us where the shell is?"

Master Hand darkened. "I'm afraid not."

"Whyyyyy?" whined Ness. "Are you even able to?"

Master Hand, not wanting to admit anything that he couldn't do. Lucas noticed this smart move from Ness and crossed his fingers under the desk that it succeeded. He wanted his old body back!

"There is one thing." boomed Master Hand in such a dramatic tone, that Lucas wondered if he'd taken drama class. Lucas quickly banished the thought, as this was not the time for thinking of silly things. "I suppose I can - "

Suddenly the office door was flung open and in bursted a mess of arms, legs and an ugly face. Lucas shrieked and Ness, always the one for action, hit the dancing thingamajig with a chair. The dancing thing shouted and kicked Ness in the face.

"What is the name of this?" thundered Master Hand, but suddenly Ness decided (rather stupidly) to use telekinesis to attack the dancing thing, and Master Hand was left staring at the swirling mess of paper, clips, and other official looking stuff. Cursing, the hand went over to a glass case in the back of the room. Master Hand picked up the glass case and its contents and put it in a safe.

The dancing thing was cackling now, cackling so loudly that Lucas's ears ringed. Lucas cringed and stuffed his fingers in his ears. The mess of swirling office things began launching themselves at the dancing thing. Lucas had never seen a paperweight use a stapler as a rocket launcher, but those days were over. Gosh, he would never forget the moment when those pink erasers started fencing with pencils. Lucas, who was now seeking refuge under the desk, thought he'd never live to see an army of inanimate objects attack a dancing thing.

"Stop this madness!" roared Master Hand. But even his loud voice could barely be heard above the clinking of pencils, the fluttering of paper, and the cackling.

A globe of the earth went flying from it's perch on a shelf and Lucas didn't even have any time to scream before it collided with his head, causing a loud thump to be heard across the room. His head immediately started to ache and burn with pain. Lucas screamed in agony and held his head as he watched the globe assault the dancing thing. His vision was blurry, but he could make out the form of Ness (he was still kind of weirded out by the fact that Ness was himself), cowering on the floor and looking at his opened palms in fear. He looked up and crawled over to Lucas, yelling as his telekinesis sent another wave of papers to join the assault.

The dancing thing was still making weird constipated sounds. The dancing thing's arm whacked the desk, causing it to fall over on its side, trapping Lucas under it. Lucas let loose a rather girlish scream, piercing the ears of the dancing thing and Ness, who cringed and in doing so set a few more paperweights at the dancing thing.

Ness's army had really damaged the dancing thing. Lucas could see the paper cuts all over his fat body. There was a bruise on his arm from the globe crashing into it, and his knees were red from paperweights assaulting them. There were gray pencil marks all over his face and arms. He pretty much looked beat up from the army of objects. Lucas couldn't say that he himself felt any better. He too had cuts, bruises and a large welt on his head.

"STOP THIS NONSENSE!"

The dancing thing ignored Master Hand and flung itself at Lucas's crumpled form. Lucas screamed again as he was in a mess of limbs, teeth, an ugly face, a fat body and…

"Ugh! What is that smell?!" Gagged Ness, causing the shelf to topple over and land atop the desk. Lucas's chest tightened as the desk crushed the air out of him. He was trapped in a small space under the desk, his shoulders unable to squeeze through the narrow opening. There was a deafening creak and Lucas felt immense fear crash onto him. What if the shelf caused the desk to collapse? What if the desk crushed him until he died?

But seriously… there was a large butt in his face. Lucas was blinded by a nasty yellow cloud of rancid gas. He closed his eyes and coughed, gagging from the rancid smell. Seriously, what did this guy eat for breakfast? After a few moments of gagging and coughing, Lucas opened his eyes.

"Gotcha there, kid!"

Then a smiling face leered at him, replacing the butt from earlier. Lucas supposed the view was a bit better, but not by much. Wario's face wasn't that much handsomer than his butt.

"Wario, what in the world?" Asked Lucas, trying to wiggle out of the desk.

"Just thought I'd visit you guys!" Cackled Wario, mooning Lucas again. Lucas scowled and headbutted (no pun intended) the butt in his face, causing Wario to fall over. Ness's telekinesis crisis had ended, but a last globe smacked Wario's head. The fat man did a somersault before landing right in front of a very angry Master Hand, still shielding the safe - which contained the glass case - from harm.

"What is the meaning of this?" Thundered Master Hand, his voice dangerously low. "You foolish, imbecilic poor excuse of a smasher! You are a disgrace to the Smash Mansion!" Master Hand proceeded to cuss Wario off. Even that smart mouth of Wario's didn't dare talk back. Then, in a rage, Master Hand plowed Wario's face into the floor of the office with his thumb. "You are now under probation! Hear me?! Probation!" Roared Master Hand. Wario was already unconscious at this point. Having a ginormous thumb plow into your face does not feel good. "One more mistake from you… and your career is OVER!"

Lucas was taken aback by this. Sure, Wario had barged into the meeting, caused Ness's powers to go haywire, farted on Lucas, and caused Master Hand's office to be wrecked, the Master Hand they knew would never put anyone on probation if that happened. He'd probably sentence them to handicaps, extra chores, no dessert, and grounding. Of course, Master Hand would've turned a smasher out if they straight up murdered someone, but Wario didn't do anything near that. The changed Master Hand was really much stricter.

Master Hand turned to Ness and Lucas. "As for you two, you'll be cleaning up my office. All previous punishments repealed, except for you, Lucas or Ness, whoever you are, with the cowlick. You get a 10% handicap on your next 5 fights. But…" the hand turned to the psychics, both were battered and bruised. Yeah. When powers go haywire, they don't go out of their way to not harm you. Ness was just as battered as Lucas. "You two should get down to the hospital ward. Take this foolish imbecile with you." Master Hand nudged Wario with his pinky, causing him to fart again.

"Well, can you still help us?" Asked Ness hopefully between gags as he freed Lucas from under the desk. Lucas thanked him, relieved to be out of the confined space,

Master Hand tapped his pinky on the floor, deep in thought. "I suppose so. We shall meet this evening. Right after dinner. Now see yourselves to the hospital ward."

Ness and Lucas hurriedly thanked him, eager to get out of the stinky office. Unfortunately, they weren't relieved of the smell just yet. Lucas's face still reeked of rotten garlic.

When they reached the hospital ward, Dr. Mario greeted them with a curt nod and a wrinkled nose. "Hello boys. Seems you've been in a scuffle. Tell me, what happened, and how can I help?"

Ness cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well, we were kind of attacked by flying objects. You won't believe how many times this stupid pencil got stuck up my nose!"

Dr. Mario raised his brows. "Ah… I see. The classic. Yes, this happens often. Of course, the attack of the flying objects. Happens every week."

Lucas chuckled and Ness shook his head. "No, we're serious."

"Please tell me," Dr. Mario gagged. "What is that horrible smell?"

"His face." Ness replied, receiving a glare from the other boy.

"Oh…"

"Well, can you help us?" Asked Ness.

"Yes of course. Please lay down here, I'll give you some bandages and ointment for your cuts…"

Ness laid himself down on a cot. But Lucas felt suddenly lightheaded. His vision doubled and he stumbled.

The last thing he saw before he blacked out was Dr. Mario leaning over him, clipboard in hand.

Ness lay in the hospital cot, wincing at his cuts and bruises.

Dr. Mario was tending to Lucas, who had fainted. As Ness stared at his own crumpled form on the floor, he felt a shiver run down his spine. It was still strange to see a copy of himself as Lucas.

Dr. Mario pulled back Lucas/Ness's black messy hair and found a large red welt on the side of it. He then placed Lucas on a stretcher and wheeled him off. A few minutes later he was back with some ointment and a grim face.

"This ointment will help the cuts. And your friend here has a concussion. He will need some rest, but he'll be fine." Dr. Mario said. "Your friend is also suffering from a bad case of too much rotten garlic for breakfast. Advise him to not eat any rotten garlic. It seems that he was ate a couple of bucketfuls."

Ness cleared his throat and was about to reply when a searing pain in his knee pushed a scream out of his throat. Dr. Mario frantically calmed him down, making a mad dash to get some painkillers.

"Take these. It'll stop the pain." said Dr. Mario. Ness meekly nodded, forcing tears back. It hurt too much to be real. So he took the painkillers with a glass of water Dr. Mario had fetched. After a few agonizing minutes, he felt better.

"Thanks." Said Ness, relieved.

"I'll get some bandages. You should take some sleeping pills while I fix up your scratches." Said Dr. Mario. "Lucas, you're being pretty tough with the pain today!" Ness didn't even bother to correct him about the identities. He was too tired. He probably didn't even need sleeping pills.

Dr. Mario left and returned quickly, holding a container filled with sleeping pills and a glass of water. "Here."

Ness took the pills with the water, feeling another wave of sharp pain. He couldn't help but think how much damage regular office objects could do. Maybe if he ever went on a quest again, he could bring a bagful of that stuff ("Behold, Porky! Feel the wrath of these erasers!"). Yep, next time around, he'd be sure to keep a few pencils handy.

Soon, with these thoughts in mind, he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Lucas woke with a throbbing pain in his head. He lay in a hospital bed, blankets tightly wrapped around him. He was also practically covered with bandages and there was some weird milky paste on his cuts (yeah, he peeked under the bandages. So what?). He tried to sit up, but there was a restraining band around his waist. So he lay limp and awake, unable to do anything.

After about 10 minutes, the doorknob turned and Dr. Mario stepped inside. Seeing Lucas was awake, he cleared his throat. "Hello Ness. It appears that you have a mild concussion. So no fighting today. Get some rest. Relax. Try not to think too deeply. And be sure to not eat any rotten garlic."

Lucas nodded, too preoccupied with his headache to correct Dr. Mario. He was tired of this. Tired.

Dr. Mario unfastened Lucas's restraining strap and unlocked the door. "Feel free to leave whenever you like. I left some medicine on the nightstand. Take it in the next fifteen minutes."

Lucas's headache was almost unbearable now. Tears sprang to his eyes and rolled down his cheeks as he fought the pain. Seeing Dr. Mario watch, shocked, as he cried brought a blush to his face. Of course Dr. Mario would be shocked. He, to anyone else's eyes, was Ness. Lucas hid his face in shame and went on crying.

Dr. Mario, lost for words, quietly snuck out of the room. Seeing this, Lucas wailed even louder. He heard Dr. Mario slam some doors. Couldn't blame him. His bawling was probably hell to listen to.

After a few (embarrassing) minutes, Lucas's tantrum turned into a quiet sniffling. Wiping the last wetness from his cheeks, he drank up the medicine Dr. Mario had left him and headed out the door. He exited the Infirmary, wondering if his fellow psychic was okay. So he waited outside the door for Ness.

After 10 minutes of waiting, Lucas decided to head to the pool. Fluffing his new hair, he went back to his room to change.

But when he reached the dresser by his bed, he stopped. Should he wear his own swimsuit, or Ness's, now that he was Ness? This confused him, sending his mind into endless circles. Wait, so now Ness was him? And he was Ness? But if Ness was him, he shouldn't be calling Ness Ness! And if he was Ness, then he shouldn't be calling Ness Ness, because Ness was Lucas. And he shouldn't be calling Lucas Lucas, because Lucas was Ness. Wait… what?!

After he untangled the mess that was his thought process (and anyway, he wasn't supposed to be thinking deeply), he decided to wear his own swimsuit. He was not wearing the swimsuit that… um, Ness(?) had worn all these years. Then he picked up a towel and went down to the pool.

Dr. Mario had said to relax and rest, so Lucas dipped in the jacuzzi instead. It was delightfully warm and the bubbles were fun to play with. Luckily, his bandages didn't come off in the water.

The rest of the day was a blur. Lucas sat around, waiting for Ness. But when he came to the cafeteria, he saw none other than a boy with blonde hair and a cowlick, standing in the lunch line.

Oh yeah. That was Ness. Seeing himself right in front of him (that was not in a mirror) still gave him the willies.

Ness was scowling and glaring at a giggling Zelda. "Shut up! I'm not crazy."

The princess erupted into a fit of giggles again. "Well, I'm sorry. But when you, Lucas, say that you are Ness… it just really makes a person laugh!"

Ness reached for his bat, but his hand fell over an empty space. Lucas caught a flash of longing in the boy's eyes. Lucas bet that Ness missed his real body as much as Lucas missed his own.

Ness, seeing that Zelda was still laughing, gave her a thump to the head. The princess, dazed, stumbled backwards and fell into the arms of a passing Ganondorf.

"Heh. Dunno what this whole stupid thing is." said Ganondorf, the princess in his clutches. He put on a high voice. "I'm Ness, not Lucas!" he switched back to his real voice and chuckled. "But I like it." and before Ness could beat the crap out of him, Ganondorf walked out of the lunchroom.

Only to be intercepted by a (rather angry) Link.

Lucas, who was standing right by the door, got a great view of it all.

"Hey! This isn't Legend of Zelda! You can't lay your filthy hands on my girl!" shouted Link, unsheathing his sword. "Let her go!"

Ganondorf, being the trouble-seeking man he was, just knocked the squirming princess in his hands on the head, leaving her dazed again. "Make me, elf!" he growled.

"The fight is on!" said Link.

"You stole my taunt!" complained Pit, who, for once, was not my Palutena's side. "Death to taunt stealers!"

Pit charged at Link with his weird sword blade thingies, but the swordsman just grabbed one of the angel's wings and said, "beat it, kid." Pit was released and he ran out of the lunchroom, squealing like the pussy he was.

A crowd of onlookers gathered as the two enemies circled round each other, shooting glares and making faces until Donkey Kong beat his chest. "Hey! You two, let's see a fight here. Not a glaring contest!"

From that day on, people had Glaring Contests regularly.

That's not the point.

The swordsman shouted his weird war cry: "Haaaaaaaaaa!" and charged, sword pointed forward at the villain's chest. Ganondorf sidestepped and was about to warlock punch the now-dizzy swordsman when -

"You buttcrack!" a slap rang out through the lunchroom and Ganondorf rubbed his nose/cheek, shocked at how much a princess's hand could do. "YOU" *slap "PIECE" *slap "OF" *slap "FILTHY" *slap "BUTTCRACK!" Zelda kneed her captor in the sensitive spot (you know which sensitive spot I'm talking about) and ran back into the lunchroom. "Girls aren't little damsels in distress! Shame on you!" she thrusted a finger at the wailing Ganondorf. "Shame on youuuuu!" she pointed to the crowd of onlookers. "And - "

Link smiled and outstretched his arms, his sword sheathed."Babe, come on and - "

"NO!" shouted Zelda, slapping Link's arm. "You are being sexist! Like you said, this isn't Legend of Zelda! I can fend for myself. I appreciate you coming to help, but you don't act like I'm 'your girl!' now scram!" Link stepped back, looking shocked. Zelda, seeing that the crowd of onlookers was still there, glared. "You too!"

"Zel," said Link. "Is there any reason this happened?"

Zelda scowled. Her eyes searched the crowd, finally resting on a blonde boy with a cowlick. Ness. "Him!" she pointed. "He punched me, I fell, and Ganondorf caught me."

Ness looked puzzled. Then he frowned. "But you were the one who called me crazy!"

Zelda glared. "That doesn't give you the reason to punch someone!"

Lucas recalled the time where Cloud had called her 'a crazy princess.' Lucas could remember the slap Zelda gave him. Yep, that totally doesn't defy what she just claimed!

Ness apparently had the same train of thought. "Says the person who slapped Cloud when he called her crazy!"

Zelda glowered and stomped her feet. Then there was the moment when she decided to turn on her helpless-girl charm. "He hiiiiiit me, Link! And then Ganondorf kidnapped me! They were probably in a team together! I didn't even call him craaaazy. He's a liar!" then she pouted and crossed her arms.

Link, seeing a chance to get back on her good side, became a total sexist 'buttcrack.' Glaring at Ness. "Lucas! You - " (the real) Lucas cringed at the curses he used. The crowd hooted and hollered (yeah, curse him out right there! Serves him right! Little troublemaker, who would hurt a princess? *Bowser coughs, Ganondorf groans). "You will be sorry!" said Link. (the real) Lucas couldn't help but think about how much of a drama-king Link was.

(The fake) Lucas rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, I fear you so much. I beg for mercy." he said sarcastically, in a dull voice. Some smashers in the crowd chuckled, but, seeing Link's death glare, they stopped abruptly and pretended to cough.

"Don't be sarcastic with me." said Link, his voice dangerously low. (the real) Lucas shifted in his spot and telepathically sent words to (the fake) Lucas. Don't fight. You're pretty battered up already. Don't fight him.

I won't. Came the response.

Suddenly, Link's fist came out of the blue. It was fast, but (the fake) Lucas was faster. He ducked underneath Link's punch and headbutted him right in the gut. The swordsman gasped (as his enemy had hit the fatal spot, right under your ribs). Link clenched his teeth.

"You'd better watch out, boy. Anyone who lays a finger on my Zelda will be sorry."

Drama-king.

That mess was finally over, and (the real) Lucas managed to escape to the hallways with (the fake) Lucas close behind.

"Ah!" said (the fake) Lucas. "Can't wait to relax and sleep… sleeping early is the best!"

But (the real) Lucas shook his head grimly. "No." he took a breath. "We have to go see Master Hand."

 **Author's Notes**

 **Muahaha! Another cliffhanger!**

 **Anyway, thanks sooooo much for reading and waiting sooooo long for this chapter.**

 **Bye!**


	4. 4: A Strange Meeting

**Hi guys! Its FantabulousUnicorn, and I'm back with another chapter! I'm sooo sorry I made you wait so long for a chapter.**

 **Anyways, enjoy chapter** 4!

 **Chapter 4**

Ness took a deep breath as he stood outside Master Hand's office. Then, closing his eyes, he carefully pushed open the office door.

Master hand greeted them and let them inside. The office was still a mess. After everyone was seated, he began. " **As I was saying earlier, there is an object that can see the shells. That is how I found this particular one."**

"Cool."

Master Hand sighed. " **This isn't just 'cool.' This telescope is a priceless object!"**

"Can we see it?" Asked Ness (the fake Lucas).

Master Hand was silent for a moment. Then he sighed again. " **Very well. I suppose that even if I declined, you two…"** Master Hand glared at Ness (the boy who looked like Lucas). " **Actually,** _ **you**_ **would keep pestering me."**

"Yep!" Said Ness proudly, sticking his chin out.

" **Come."** Said Master Hand. He led the two boys over to the destroyed bookshelf, which was now propped clumsily against the wall. Barely visible behind the tattered shelf, Ness could make out a door. It was camouflaged against the wall, the hinges cleverly disguised and the door painted the exact shade of the wall behind it.

Master Hand opened the door (no matter how many times Ness watched him do this, he could never understand how a giant hand used his index finger to open a door) and… fingered(?) inside the dark room behind it.

" **Follow me.** " Said Master Hand, his booming voice echoing around the room.

Swallowing, Ness followed, dragging a hesitant Lucas in tow. The room was pitch black, but Ness conjured up a quick PK Fire and held it in his hands, grateful for the glow and warmth it provided. Lucas pressed up against him, shivering. "I-it's so cold! And dark!" he whispered fearfully.

Master Hand rolled his eyes. Well, he would have if he had them. Then, he raised his index finger and…

Flicked on the light switch.

" **Honestly, all you had to do was turn on the light. Goodness, you two are blowing this out of proportion. It's like you don't know what a light switch is. Now put out that ridiculous fire."**

Blushing, Ness extinguished the flame with a puff of his breath. "Okay, now what?"

" **Look around."**

The room was rather large and barren, but Ness could feel an aura or power coming from the back of the room. He could tell Lucas felt it too, judging from the way he was dreamily walking towards the aura. Ness himself felt drawn to it. He felt an irresistible tug forward. Gasping, he stepped forward.

"Woah…" whispered Lucas.

" **This is where I store my own personal shell, and my telescope."** Said Master Hand. He looked at Ness. " **Lucas - uh, Ness, excuse me, I think you saw me carrying a glass case and putting it in a safe. I usually store the shell in here, but that day I decided to take it out for further inspection."**

The two psychics nodded. "So, can you at least help us find,out where the shell is?"

" **Very well. But you two must promise to never tell** _ **anyone**_ **about this. No one. Or else, you'll be sorry."**

Ness sensed truth in these words. Master Hand would not hesitate to make them sorry for spilling the beans. He swallowed. "I promise."

" **And you?"** Asked Master Hand, turning to the boy who looked like Ness (Ness was still creeped out by this).

The boy gulped, his face pale. "I promise." Ness supposed that Lucas also sensed the scary truthfulness of Master Hand's words. But jeez, fear didn't go well with his own face.

" **Remember. You must keep your word."** Said Master Hand.

"We will." Said Lucas, meekly. Ness nodded in agreement, secretly wondering why Master Hand wanted it kept secret. Something was up…

 **Yep, definitely is.**

 _Ugh, my conscience. Again._

 **Don't think I can't hear those thoughts.**

 _I'm getting Lucas in here telepathically to shut you up._

 **No, please! Don't!**

 _Why do I feel like you are being sarcastic…?_

…

 _Lucas!_

 _ **Um, yeah?**_

 _My conscience is being annoying again._

 **Oh no! Lucas!**

 _Why are you not scared? Last time Lucas was here, you were beaten down so much that you didn't talk for a week. Best week of my life…_

 _ **Yeah, that was kinda fun. It was fun to beat something without hurting them. I had so much steam balled up inside me back then, I didn't know how much I needed to just punch a pillow or something. Remember, back then, when I was so emotional distraught after your Subspace, your sacrifice, that I was signed off from fighting. And fighting your conscience was really fun.**_

 _Dude, that is messed up. Ya know, when we did that, it kinda hurt me, too._

 **Cause I am you, idiot.**

 _Shut up._

 **Hehe.**

 _ **Seriously, why are you so calm?**_

 **Because I invented a shield to protect myself against onslaughts like these! Muahaha!**

 _You need to work on your evil laugh!_

 _ **You can invent things?**_

 **Um… yeah?**

 _He can. He invented annoyance in this world._

 _I try not to butt in on this stupid conversation, but you're telepathic voices are too loud to ignore._

 _Master Hand!_

 **Master Hand!**

 _ **Master Hand!**_

 _You are jabbering louder than usual. Usually even I cannot pick up your conversations without concentration. Although my brother can.._

" **Now, please let us end this telepathic conversation and get to the point."** Said Master Hand out loud.

"Sorry!" Said both psychics, blushing profusely.

" **Come."**

The boys followed Master Hand further into the room, their hearts pounding as they came closer and closer to the aura of power.

But… when Ness had held the shell in his hands at the beach, he had felt no aura of power. Strange…

Whatever. The telescope must be what was causing the aura.

" **Stop."**

They came to a halt in front of a plate smeared with tomato sauce.

Yep, you'd expect a "telescope" to be an actual "telescope." Turns out it was a plain old plate.

"Um, so that's the telescope?" Asked Ness, inspecting the plate. "Mmm… smells like pizza…"

" **No, that is my dinner plate. Look ahead."**

Embarrassed, Ness looked ahead. He was staring right into a plate smeared with barbecue sauce. "Um, so _this_ is the telescope?" He asked incredulously. He sniffed it. "Mmm… smells like barbecue chicken…"

" **No, that is my brother's dinner plate. Look ahead."**

Now even more embarrassed, Ness looked ahead. He was staring right into a plate that was, for a change, completely clean. "Lemme guess." He said, pointing to the plate. "That's like, your cousin's dinner plate."

" **No, that is the telescope."**

Oh. Great.

" **And, as you should know, I don't live with my cousins."**

"I thought you said it was a _telescope_." Said Lucas, confused.

" **It is a telescope."**

"It's a plate." said Lucas flatly.

" **Look into it and wish for what you want to see."** seeing the boys incredulous expressions, he urged them on. " **Come on, go ahead."**

Ness stared into the polished surface of the plate. He took a breath. Simultaneously, he and Lucas recited: "I wish to see the lost shell!"

The surface of the plate rippled. Ness stared, intrigued at this. Was it water? He reach out to touch it, when suddenly -

"Argh!"

A beam of light bursted from the surface of the plate, temporarily blinding him. He clawed at his eyes, gasping, when he felt a pull on the air in front of him. The plate was swirling like a vortex and his ears roared. The pull persisted, tugging on his very soul. His mind, his body, everything was being pulled down. Down into whatever that plate was.

"Help me!" Ness yelled. But his voice was sucked away into the vortex.

"Hurph!" Lucas's voice faded in and out, swirling around and hurting Ness's ears until it disappeared into a plate.

Master Hand, in contrast to the two flailing boys, was standing to the side, completely calm.

He looked at Crazy Hand, who just decided to appear next to his brother. " **Hello Crazy. What are you doing here?"**

" **BwAHahAhA! I CaME BeCAusE I HEarD CHickEnS DanCInG!"** yelled Crazy Hand, calling forth 150000 disco balls to pop down from the ceiling.

" **I suppose a few disco balls could help improve the mood."** mused Master Hand, watching the boys struggle against the pull of the plate. " **They are doing quite a good job holding out."**

"HELP US!" yelled Ness.

" **ThE fIrST tIMe I lOOkeD inTo tHat tELEscoPe, I juMPeD iN oN mY OWn! THiS iS JuSt tOo fUUUUUUnNY!"**

" **It is rather amusing."** said Master Hand. " **I wish they'd just go in. Why are they fighting back?"**

But before Master Hand even finished his sentence, Crazy Hand jumped forward and in one swift motion, push both boys into the plate.

" **BWAHAHA!"** laughed Crazy Hand, zooming away and leaving Master Hand with the idiot looking boys.

Ness yelped, lost his footing, and fell, yelling. The plate seemed to swallow him up, sucking him in and snaring him, pulling him downwards into itself. Ness disappeared from the world he knew (although it was only temporary), and fell into what seemed like an endless descent.

"WOAH!"

He was dimly aware of Lucas falling above him, flailing his arms wildly. Lucas's new black hair that once belonged to Ness was messily flying around on his head. Ness absentmindedly tried to touch his new cowlick, only for his arm to fall back to his side. But those were all thoughts that came and disappeared, just like how he disappeared into the plate.

The only thing he was really thinking about was how girly his voice sounded when he screamed.

Suddenly, Ness's vision clouded, making him blind. His transparent body slowly turned into a ghostly white, then became invisible. And soon, he disappeared into _nothing_ ness itself. The air was sucked out of his lungs and he gasped for… er, bubbles (Well, if you can gasp underwater)? But _nothing_ can't gasp. His heart tried to pound, but _nothing_ can't live. After a few not-panicky moments (nothing can't panic), the need to breathe and exist disappeared, along with his body. And soon, he sank into _NothingNess_ \- get it? Cause he's Ness? - and his vision slowly cleared.

He was in a pitch-black cave. There wasn't much to say, cause it was so pitch black you couldn't see anything. But Ness could make out the unmistakable glow of the prize object. The blue shell, with all of its markings and -

The er, air (they were underwater)suddenly churned and twisted. Black clouds swam in front of his eyes and he could feel himself becoming Ness, and not _NothingNess_ anymore. His body felt like it had just jumped into cold water, then resurfaced. The tornado picked him up, pouring air back into his lungs. He gasped, choking. He could feel Lucas's presence next to him, also being pulling back into the tornado. Then even the pulsing glow of the shell was vanquished, and all Ness knew was darkness…

Ness was spat out of the plate and onto the floor, gasping and sputtering on the floor of Master Hand's not-so-secret-anymore room, considering him, Lucas and Crazy Hand also knew about it.

Ness's vision swam, but even after a few seconds of blinking rapidly, he couldn't see right. For some reason, there were what looked like disco balls in the air and colorful lights were flashing across the room. The sound of funky music began to enter his ears. Huh, so his ears were messed up, too.

" **hELlO bOYs! WeLCoMe tO thE PArtY!"**

Oh. So it was real.

" **Crazy, please. Turn off the music and the disco balls. This is a serious matter."**

" **OoooooH! WhAT sERiOus MaTTeR?"**

" **Please. This is no time for partying!"**

Reluctantly, Crazy Hand turned the music off and made the disco balls disappear with a _poof._ Then he rocketed out of the room, slipping through the ceiling and somehow not breaking it.

"Ness." Said Lucas. "We have to find the shell! It's in the bottom of the ocean somewhere… I miss my old body." Lucas looked longingly at Ness. "And I liked my cowlick better."

Ness felt a pang of homesickness. "Yeah… I miss my body too."

"I miss my cowlick."

Ness, being the riot he was, purposely ruffled up his blonde hair, causing the cowlick to get flattened. "Well, when we get our bodies back, you'll have a messy cowlick!"

Lucas sniffed defiantly. "And you'll have a garlic smelling face."

Ness paled. "On second thought… I'll keep this body. Thanks!"

The two boys began to laugh, just like good old times. Ness felt like he was relieving a huge amount of pent up… whatever. Ever since the body swap, Ness felt like he was cooped up. He couldn't be who he was. He couldn't be Ness.

"Just kidding," said Ness. "I'd gladly risk a stinky face for my old body."

"And I'd risk a messy cowlick."

Master Hand cleared his throat. " **Ahem. Boys, in 2 days time, they shall venture to the depths of the ocean, or wherever you saw the shell. They shall be wearing protective gloves, so they don't accidentally touch an animal, or the wrong people. Then they shall bring the shell back to me."**

"Who is _they_?" Asked Ness.

" **No importance. Just, not you."**

The psychics mouths fell open. "But - but, we want to go! We have to!"

" **It's too dangerous. I shall send my own trusted… teammates to find it. You two will be in the mansion, safe and sound. Well. Where exactly did you see the shell?"**

"At the depths of the ocean. Just like you said. Probably in some random cave. It was pitch black." Said Lucas, glumly.

" **You are dismissed."** Said Master Hand.

"Just asking, why couldn't you go into the plate yourself? Why did you want us too?"

" **You are dismissed."** Said Master Hand.

"But - "

" **No."** And with that, Master Hand shoved both boys back through the hallway, past the dinner plates, and out the door.

"Well, can we pleeeeeeeeeeeease use your shell then? If we can't go retrieve it ourselves?"

" **No."**

"Whyyyyy….?"

" **No."**

"Whyyyyy….?"

" **No."**

"Whyyyyy….?"

" **No."**

"... No."

" **Whyyyyy….? I meant… uh, no."**

"Ha! You got fooled!"

Master Hand's thumb twitched irritably. " **Please return to your own rooms."**

Sulking, Ness and Lucas left the office and slowly walked to their rooms. Both exhausted, they climbed into their bed and had a nice, long sleep.

 **Author's note**

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And again, I'm really sorry for making you wait so long.**

 **Be glad I didn't put in a cliffhanger...**

 **Bye bye!**


	5. 5: 5 Operations

**Author's Note**

 **Hi guys! It's FantabulousUnicorn, back with Chapter 5!**

 **I really hope you enjoy this chapter, things are gonna get good soon. :)**

 **But not yet.**

 **It's building, though. Be patient.**

 **Anyways, I'll cut to the chase.**

 **ACTION!**

 **Chapter 5**

Ness wasn't surprised to wake at 7:30am, again. He breezed through the morning, acting like everything was normal, arguing with his conscience, and for Lucas to get up. They both had no fights today, so that was great.

At breakfast, he picked at his food, barely participating in any conversation. He then packed up some omelettes for Lucas, and decided to go annoy him until he woke.

He slugged up the stairs to his room, not wanting to participate in any annoying elevator conversation. Ugh… he felt so out of it today…

What he would give to get his own body back!

But… there was one way…

Ness opened the door to his room and almost had a heart attack seeing himself sleeping on the bed.

Ness grabbed a glass from the nightstand, filled it up with water, and dumped it right onto his friend's face. Lucas sat up, sputtering and shouting a command of, "PK Thunder!"

The thunder spazzed out above his head as Ness smiled. "Morning, sleepyhead,"

"I never did this to you…" moaned Lucas, wringing the water out of his hair. "Oh… you're in for it when we get our bodies back."

Ness's smile faded. "Actually… I have an idea to do that…"

"You're crazy."

Lucas shook his head in disbelief. Ness just shrugged. "I'm not waiting months for some stupid rescue team to dive to the bottom of the ocean and find this darn shell."

"B-but… you'll get in so much trouble!"

Ness stuck out his jaw. "I'll do whatever it takes to get my body back."

A part of Lucas wanted to disagree. To run down to Master Hand's office and report Ness. But another part of him wanted to follow Ness's advice. To go for it. To get his own body back.

After a moment, Lucas sighed. "Fine… I'll do it… I'll help you steal this darn shell."

Ness slowly grinned. "Perfect."

Operation 1: Steal Samus's blaster

The task was done in 5 operations. Because Master Hand wouldn't let them waltz in there and get the passcode for the safe, they'd have to break it.

Operation 1: Steal Samus's blaster.

Operation 2: Steal Marth's sword.

Operation 3: Steal a King Dedede's hammer.

Operation 4: Steal Fox's laser gun.

Operator 5: Bring the bat and the branch.

All right. Ness could do that.

It was late afternoon, 6:00pm. He knew that Samus had a fight at 6:30, so she would be heading to the launch room now… he just needed to intercept her…

Ness filled up a bucket of water, added some cleaning solution, picked it up, and dashed out of his room. He sprinted towards the launch room, ducked behind a turn in the halls, poked his head out, and watched for Samus. In just a few minutes, she appeared, blaster in hand.

Ness eagerly watched her enter the launch room. Now he just needed to get her away from her blaster…

Ness stood right outside the room, right next to where Samus was standing. Before he could think his plan through, he began to giggle like the crazy little girl that he was.

He could practically hear her stiffen, tighten her grip around the blaster, and shift uncomfortably. He smiled. Again, he began to giggle, louder this time. He made it even more high pitched than before. He continued this for the next 5 seconds, giggling, getting louder, until he was practically doing a full blown, maniac, high-pitched evil laugh.

He ducked behind the corner again. There. That should be enough.

He poked his head out and saw Samus uneasily exiting the launch room, looking for the source of the laughter.

Time for action.

Ness picked up his soapy bucket of water and came running down the hallway towards her, and at the last second, and tripped over his own shoes and fell forward, spilling his bucket of water all over Samus.

"AUUUGH! Seriously?! What the hell, Ness?" She screeched. She dropped her blaster and wrung out her hair. "Ugh… I have to change… I can't fight like this…"

Ness staggered to his feet, rubbing his side. "Ow… sorry…"

"Why the hell are you running around with a bucket of water, anyway?" Cried Samus, pointing her finger at his face.

"I, uh… spilled something… was gonna clean up…" mumbled Ness, scratching his temples. He really hadn't thought this plan through.

"UGH! Just don't do it again!" Snapped Samus. She cast a glance at soapy, wet hands. "Tell Master Hand they'll need a clone to fight for me."

And with that, she took off down the hallway, dripping suds everywhere.

Ness smiled. He picked up the now wet blaster off the floor and dashed upstairs to his room. He shoved the thing in a drawer. On a mental list, he checked off Operation One.

The mission was going great.

Lucas was assigned to Operation 2. Steal Marth's sword.

Lucas knew that the swordsman usually kept it by his side at all times.

But he also knew that he placed it on the table beside him while eating at the cafeteria. That would be his moment to strike.

It was 6:00pm, dinner started at 7:00. Lucas headed to the cafeteria, anyway.

The first thing he noticed was that the tables were bare of tablecloth. He entered the kitchen and searched through the cabinets. He found an assortment of large, plain white tablecloths that would probably stretch down to the floor when draped over the tables.

"PLEASE EXIT KITCHEN."the R.O.B.'s buzzed and whirred around him, carrying various cooking utensils.

"Yeah, yeah," said Lucas. He balanced the tablecloths on one arm and shoved R.O.B.'s to the side.

"VIOLENCE IS NOT APPRECIATED, MISS." Said the R.O.B.'s.

Lucas chuckled. So Ness looked like a girl to the R.O.B.'s. Lucas would tease him about that forever.

"INITIATING DEFENSE MECHANISMS IN 3, 2, 1…"

"Wait wha-AHHHHHH!"

The robots chucked the cooking utensils to the side and began grabbing at him. One R.O.B. managed to grab him by his feet and shook him in the air, dangling him a foot off the ground.

"Hey! Cut it out!"

The other R.O.B's grabbed at him, snagging various places.

"OW! What the hell?! You pervert!" Screamed Lucas at an R.O.B. who was attempting to shake Lucas's… uh… well… you know what I'm talking about…

Lucas busted out a PK Fire and sent the R.O.B.'s scrambling towards the sinks.

Lucas snatched up the tablecloths and ran out of the kitchen and into the cafeteria.

Lucas draped all the tablecloths over every table, smiling as he saw that the cloths draped down to the floor.

It was 6:30, now. The early Smashers began trickling in, one by one. First was Kirby, then Little Mac, then Bayonetta. Lucas stood by the doorway, watching for Marth.

It was 6:45 when he saw Marth, Lucina, Ike, both Corrin's, and Roy chatting happily as they rounded the corner to the Dining Hall.

Lucas dove under their table, hid behind the tablecloth and waited for the group to sit down. His heart pounded under his chest.

It seemed like eternity before the group of swordsmen (and women) finished getting their food and reached the table. Marth set down his sword on the table, next to him.

Lucas held his breath as the swordsman sat down. Then, discreetly, he reached closed his eyes and began breathing slowly, in and out.

Concentrating was difficult. It didn't help that Marth and Roy were trying to woo Corrin over, while the other males were attempting to charm Lucinda. The conversation was brain-cell murderous.

"So, uh Corrin. You like cucumbers? Yeah, I like cucumbers to. Would you like me to put my cucumber in you?"

Lucas gagged.

"So, uh Lucinda. You're from Fire Emblem. I can tell, cause you're really hot. Like fire. Get it?"

Lucas face palmed.

Corrin threw out her cucumbers. Lucinda dumped her glass of water on her head. Then they both stood up and walked away. At this moment, using telekinesis, he pulled on the sword handle, yanking it off the table and into his sweaty palms.

Lucas let out a sigh, and curled into a ball, clutching the sword.

The whole gang charged after them, handing more cucumbers to Corrin and drying Lucinda's hair feverishly. In response, Corrin stuck the cucumbers up Martha nostrils. Lucinda stuffed the wet towels down Ike's shirt.

For the rest of dinner, he waited, silently until the last of he Smashers left the Dining Hall.

At was 8:30 when Lucas decided the cafeteria was empty, and that the coast was clear. He slid out from under the table, stretching his muscles gratefully.

"Hey, what up Lucas?"

Lucas lost his lunch right there on the floor. He gasped, wiped his mouth and thought of all the horrible things Master Hand was going to do to him, once this person reported Lucas's theft. The terrifying mental images ranged from being thrown off a cliff to being drowned in mayonnaise.

"Ugh… that's nasty, Lucas. Look at how much calalmari you ate! Ewww… what the hell?! And ugh… is that… an omelette dipped in hummus?!"

Lucas blushed. He'd eaten lunch so absentmindedly, he probably didn't even notice what he was eating.

But there was something fishy about this person…

Hold on! This person was calling him Lucas! Not Ness!

"Oh my gosh… Ness… you nearly gave me a heart attack…"

"Sorry." Said Ness, coming into his view with a sloppy grin.

Geez. Ness looked so weird grinning with Lucas's body.

"I got the sword," said Lucas, coming to his feet.

"I can tell. It's COVERED with puke. No way am I taking that thing upstairs! Sorry, but you're on your own, kiddo." said Ness. "Come on, we have to get you washed up."

Lucas raised his eyebrows. "What are you, my - " his voice died on the word, "Mom."

Ness reddened. "I didn't mean it like that…"

"PLEASE LEAVE CAFETERIA AREA."

Oh fudge. The R.O.B.'s.

"INITIATING DEFENSE MECHANISMS IN 3, 2-" the R.O.B.'s began spinning around in circles. "2. 2. 2.2. 2…"

Ness and Lucas stared at each other dumbfounded.

"1!" The robots suddenly began charging, er, _rolling_ towards them. Ness and Lucas screamed like the prissy little girls they were and ran away. Unfortunately, they both slipped and fell in the puddle of puke.

God dammit, Lucas!

Luckily, the R.O.B.'s also slipped and fell in the puddle of puke.

Great job, Lucas!

Lucas snatched up the sword and the two scrambled away on all fours, panting like savages. Lucas couldn't help thinking out terrible his body looked covered with puke. If he didn't know better, he might've thought Ness was a blob of snot.

Sometimes Ness _acted_ like a blob of snot.

Ness and Lucas sprinted down the hallways, ungracefully slipping and sliding away. Behind them, the R.O.B.'s were in pursuit, whirring like their lives depended on it.

It seemed like they passed every Smasher in the house, all of them gawking at the two puke-covered kids getting chased by puke-covered robots. Some even pulled out cameras, saying, "This is going in the Smashbook!" Ness and Lucas were running to fast to care.

After eternity, Ness and Lucas skid to a stop in front of their room, tumbled inside, and locked the door. The R.O.B.'s spun in circles outside until they eventually gave up and whirred away.

Lucas huddled on the floor, clutching the sword so hard his fingers were turning white. He was rethinking the meaning of life.

Ness ran inside the bathroom, shut the door and hogged the place for the next hour. Lucas, the whole time, just sat on the floor, thinking about what his life was, and how he'd never thought that he would run through Smash Mansion being chased by R.O.B.'s, steal a sword, and do it all covered in puke.

Ness, on the other hand, did this on a regular basis. He had absolutely no clue what Lucas was doing on the floor, as this is was simply daily life to him! He sang contentedly in the shower, recounting his sister's favorite songs back home.

Ahh… home sweet home…

Great. Now Ness was homesick. He reached out of the shower, grabbed the phone (yes, Ness's bathroom had a phone, as he was always homesick), and dialed his home number.

Aw, crap. He'd forgotten that phones don't work in water. Guess he would have to wait till later.

Lucas, still huddling on the floor, tried to ignore Ness's terrible singing. Ughhhh… Ness was _trying_ to make this a lot harder for him.

"Baby, baby, baby, OOHHH!"

"Is it too late now to say SORRY!"

"MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB, LITTLE LAMB, LITTLE LAMB, MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB WHOSE MEAT WAS SO TENDER!"

What the heck?

"MARY GOT TO EAT HER LAMB, EAT HER LAMB, EAT HER LAMB, MARY GOT TO EAT HER LAMB WHO TASTED REALLY GOOD!"

What the heck?!

"MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB, LITTLE LAMB, LITTLE LAMB, MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB THERE'S A REASON I SAID 'HAD'!"

WHAT THE HECK?!

"Neeeeess, stahpppppp!" Cried Lucas.

"Old Macdonald had a cow, he made really good steak! A little rosemary here, garlic there, parsley, pepper, basil, salt. Old Macdonald had a cow (Again!) there's a reason I said HAD!"

Wtf, that didn't even rhyme.

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary! Your dad beheaded a lot of - "

Crap. That was ENOUGH. It was ten times worse coming from Lucas's own voice. Lucas kicked open the bathroom door karate style, and… let's just say, he gave Ness a piece of his mind.

Ness really regretted singing, after that.

Ness and Lucas emerged from the shower, Ness wrapped in a towel with a black eye, Lucas, soaked and shivering with, gone were all traces of puke.

"Now get out of the bathroom, and let me wash up!" Growled Lucas.

"But… I have to change." Said Ness.

"Change outside!" Said Lucas! "And please, don't sing!"

So Ness went outside and changed, HUMMING a merry tune. Lucas took a shower and washed off the sword until the hot water ran out.

Lucas changed into Ness's clean clothes and attempted to repair the broken and disheveled door. He felt kinda bad about breaking it, what did it ever do to him?

Just as Lucas put Ness's socks on (he still felt weird about putting his best friend's clothes on), there was a knock on the door. Ness and Lucas threw the sword in a drawer and answered.

Master Hand stomped… er… fingered(?) his way in. " **YOU IMBECILES! YOU LED THE R.O.B.'S INTO A CHASE AROUND THE MANSION, TRACKED VOMIT EVERYWHERE, AND RENDERED THE R.O.B.'S USELESS! ALL THEY DO IS SPIN IN CIRCLES!"**

"Sorry… in our defense, we did nothing wrong. Just stayed a bit too long in the cafeteria!" Piped up Ness.

" **LUCAS, ER, NESS, GET YOUR SORRY ASS TO THE INFIRMARY, AND TOMORROW, YOU BOTH WILL BE CLEANING UP ALL THE VOMIT AND SUBSTITUTING FOR THE R.O.B.'S IN THE KITCHEN!"**

The hand left with a dramatic turn, in the process knocking over the nightstand. Sighing, the hand propped up the nightstand again, muttering, " **Really gotta work on that…"**

Ness and Lucas held their breaths as the hand turned around to them again.

" **And bring the darn door to the Carpentry."**

Ness stared accusingly at Lucas. Lucas meekly bowed his head.

The hand then dramatically turned to leave, only to break their front door. Sighing again, Master Hand banged the door back into place and left.

Silently, the two psychics telekinetically moved the door to the Carpentry. Seeing the broken door, Mega-Man's eyes widened.

"What the - " he shook his head. "Smashers these days…"

"Hey MM." said Lucas in response. "It's… a long story, okay?"

"I think I'd be better off not knowing anyway." Said MM, taking the door to the repair tables.

The Carpentry was run by Mega-Man and the R.O.B.'s to fix any of the Smashers' broken things. It was designed simply: eight tables separated into 2 columns and 4 rows, a small Break Room in the back, and machines decorating every table.

MM immediately began working on the door, loosening and tightening screws, cutting off damaged parts, and attached new wood.

"Well, see you around MM." Lucas said, with a growing feeling of melancholy in his stomach. He sighed, turned around, and walked slowly towards the door, Ness in tow.

"Bye." Said MM in response, barely noticing.

"I'M HUNGRYYY!" Shouted Ness randomly, totally ruining the moment. Lucas glared at him, pushing him out the door and into the hallway.

"Ness, I'm kind of… sad." Said Lucas, once they were both in the hallway.

"What, that you missed dinner hiding under the table?" Asked Ness, trying to stare cross-eyed at his nose. "I have some food if you wanna eat! It's in my… your… backpack."

"NO." Growled Lucas. Them he sighed. "It's just that… well, before this whole…fiasco" he gestured to them. "happened, I used to be…" he searched for the right words. " _Friends_. With him. And the others."

"Others?"

"Mike, Fiona, Pitoo, Pit, Toon Link…" said Lucas.

"But we _are_ friends with them." Said Ness, confused.

"Are we though? Have we _really_ had a conversation with them like we used to, ever since we got switched?" Demanded Lucas.

"Yeah, we have!" Said Ness. "Like… um…" He paused. "You're kind of right."

Lucas's voice dropped to a whisper. "And I really miss it."

There was a moment of silence as a tear rolled down his cheek and he wiped it away angrily. He shook his head. "Y-you know what? Never mind. I-it's stupid. Just… you do Operation 3 and I'll do 4, okay?"

But he was surprised by Ness touching his shoulder. "No… it's okay." He scrunched up his face. After a moment, he stared into Lucas's eyes. Lucas was surprised by how blue Ness's eyes were. Or rather… _Lucas's_ eyes were. Ness cleared his throat. "I-I get it. But you know what? The faster we steal Master Hand's shell, the faster we get back to our old selves."

Lucas smiled. It was such an emotional moment, until Wario came up to them and farted.

"Hey, gaybirds. Have ya seen Marth's sword and Samus's blaster anywhere?" The fat man smiled and farted again.

The two were too busy gagging to attempt to lie.

Wario sighed. "I'll take that as a no." And he walked away.

Ness and Lucas caught their bearings and stumbled away to their rooms. They had enough drama for one night.

They threw themselves on the beds without even bothering to change, and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Ness woke late the next morning, 9:00am. He was all tuckered out from last night. Surprisingly, Lucas was absent from his bed. But he he could see him in the bathroom, brushing his teeth.

Groggy and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Ness yawned and slid out of bed, landing in a heap on the floor. "Lucaaaas…" he moaned. "Pick me up!"

Lucas glanced at him and sighed. "No, you retard. Get up yourself."

Ness groaned. He took a breath, cleared his throat and began to sing, "MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB - "

"UGGGGGH! Fine!" Lucas groaned. He spat out his toothpaste, rinsed his mouth, and stomped over to Ness. Grunting, he hauled his friend up and dragged him to the bathroom. Annoyed, he turned on the water in the shower and threw Ness into the bathtub.

Ness surface, sputtering angrily. "Oh, you want a challenge? BRING IT ON, bruh!" He spat out a mouthful of water into Luca's face.

"Argh! You little - " Lucas wiped away the water and telekinetically plowed Ness's toothbrush into his face. Laughing, he began scrubbing away at Ness's teeth.

"Hayyy! Geh-rehby-foh-dis!" Ness tore the toothbrush out of his mouth, threw it in the sink and spat out the toothpaste. He reached out his hand and telekinetically flung a towel over Lucas's head, giving him helmet-hair. Er… towel-hair.

In return, Lucas brought to life an army of (gasp) 3 towels and rubbed Ness's head furiously with them. Ness cried out and retaliated by pulling Lucas into the bathtub with him.

After a few minutes of idiotically fighting, they both tired and lay in the now full bathtub, floating mindlessly.

"That… counted as a shower, right?" Asked Ness meekly.

"Yeah… I think so." Said Lucas.

For the next half hour, the tidied up the bathroom so that it was somewhat neater, and then went to the Dining Hall for breakfast.

Strangely, there was no food. The buffet tables were empty, and the eating tables were full of angry smashers who were yelling at them to make breakfast.

With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Ness remembered… he and Lucas were on kitchen duty that day until the kitchen R.O.B.'s were repaired, which would be done by tomorrow.

Apparently, Lucas remembered, too, because he looked at Ness uncertainly. "Can you cook?" He asked.

Ness shook his head. "Only basic stuff, like eggs, steak, Ramen. You?"

Lucas shrugged. "A little…"

They both entered the kitchen. There were 2 stoves, 2 ovens, a microwave, a blender, a cabinet full of bowls, whisks, measuring cups, and other essentials, and finally pots and pans. It was full of other shit too, too much for Ness to comprehend.

Ness and Lucas stared at the room. Ness's mouth dropped open. This was a kitchen? Looked like a freaking science lab!

"We could make omelettes…" suggested Lucas.

"And steak!" Said Ness, eagerly.

Lucas shook his head. "Ness, that's a dinner food!"

Ness pouted. "Fineeee. How about… stir-fry potatoes and sausages?"

"And maybe… diced fruit?" Asked Lucas.

Ness grinned. "Sounds like a plan to me!"

Together, they began raiding the kitchen. Lucas found raspberries, blackberries and blueberries. He dumped them in a pot to wash.

Ness found potatoes and sausages. He cut them up crudely. He made each one resemble a cap, but they looked more like dicks…

Who cared anyway?

Ness dumped them in the pan. Oh crap! He forgot to add oil! He found a big bottle of something… so he just added that.

He turned on the stove and using a ladle, stir-fried the sausages and potatoes.

Crap. He added oil! So why were they stuck to the bottom of the pan?

Inspecting the bottle of "oil" that he'd found, he saw a label on the back that read in bold letters, **vinegar.**

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

Ness turned off the fire, dumped the stir-fry in the trash, and started again.

This time, he _purposely_ made the sausages and potatoes look like dicks. He added Canola Oil into the pan and turned on the fire.

Crap! Wrong stove.

"What the hell - Ness?!" Screamed Lucas. You just lit up the stove I was using! That's fruit soaking right there!

"Why the hell were you soaking fruit on the stove?!" Asked Ness.

"Because - " Lucas sighed. "Just turn the fire off!"

Ness scratched his head. "Er… how do you do that again?"

Lucas facepalmed. "Like this!" He twisted the knob to turn off the stove.

"CRAP, Lucas!" Cried Ness. "You just turned ON my stove!"

"Sorry! Just turn them both off then!"

"HOWWW?!"

"Like this, idiot!"

"Dumbass, you just turned the fire to _HIGH_!"

"AUGH! Fine, like THIS THEN!"

"IDIOT! You just turned the fire to _LOW_!"

"FINE! LIKE THIS, ASSHOLE!"

"STUPID BITCH, YOU JUST TURNED THE OTHER STOVE TO _HIGH_!"

"ARGH! FINE, LIKE THIS!"

" _FINALLY_ , DUMBASS!"

"NOT LIKE _YOU_ HELPED WITH ANYTHING!"

"SHUT UP!"

" _YOU_ SHUT UP!"

" _YOU_ SHUT UP!"

" _YOU_ SHUT UP!"

" _YOU_ SHUT UP!"

" _YOU_ SHUT UP!"

Ness threw up his hands and knocked the milk and sugar into the fruit. They spilled into the pot. Ness propped them up again and glared at Lucas. "OMIGOSH JUST TURN OFF THE OTHER STOVE!" He screamed. Lucas rushed forward and twisted the knob to OFF. The fire died.

"Get a ladle!" Said Lucas.

Ness handed him a metal spoon. Lucas shrugged. "Works for me." He plunged the spoon into the berries and mixed together the sugar, milk and berries. Because the berries were on the stove so long, the had melted down into a thick, pulpy mixture that smelled freaking awesome.

"Lucas?" Asked Ness. "I-I think we just accidentally made triple berry sauce. It goes really well with pancakes."

Lucas shrugged. "I can make pancakes." He scratched his forehead. "I _think_."

For the next half hour, the psychics worked busily in the kitchen. Ness finally got to make his stir-fry potatoes and sausages (that looked like dicks). Lucas made banana pancakes.

They ungracefully threw the meal onto the buffets tables. "Breakfast is ready!" called Ness.

The Smashers, who had been idly doing shit, threw their weapons on the tables and shouted as they clambered over each other to get breakfast. Quietly, Ness and Lucas slipped back to the tables and grabbed King Dedede's hammer and Fox's laser gun. They placed the items in Ness's backpack. That Lucas was wearing.

Ness grabbed a snacks and stuffed them inside the bag. He also grabbed some drinks, mostly soda and juice, but there were some water bottles and milk cartons in the handful as well.

Ness scrambled into the line, only to see that Lucas got there first. Oh hell no. That kid was going down. Ness shoved Lucas behind him. There. That was more like it.

Cloud passed by Ness after getting his food. "Hey Lucas. Nice job in the kitchen. Could hear your obnoxious voice yelling that you couldn't even turn off the stove."

Ness flipped the bird at Cloud and resisted to urge to say, "I'm Ness, idiot." The Smashers oohed collectively around him. Ness scowled. Cloud looked pissed. He picked up his big-ass sword. Without a word, he chopped off Ness's blonde head. Ness immediately froze in place, the statue base forming under him, his head rolling around the floor.

Ness stared straight ahead, his arms doing his signature baseball pose.

Hey… something was wrong…

He had a head.

He was doing his own trophy pose, now Lucas's.

"What the hell - he's doing Ness's pose!" Said King Dedede.

Lucas quickly unfroze him, a look of pure terror on his face. "Ness, what the…"

"Ness? That's Lucas right there, idiot."

Ness was too busy holding up his head. Jeez. That was freaking creepy, seeing Lucas's blue eyes rolled up into his head, raw skin around the neck.

"N-" *cough "Er, Lucas, l-let's go." Lucas tugged on Ness's arm. As they sprinted away, Wario picked up Lucas/Ness's head and stared into its eyes. Smiling, he tucked it away in his jacket. It would be a nice souvenir.

Hmm… it might be useful one day…

Ness and Lucas left the Dining Hall and went to their room. They dumped the blaster and the hammer out of the bag and shoved them in the drawer. Then they dropped the bat and branch in, too.

It was almost time to strike.

 **Author's Note**

 **And... CUT!**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you soon!**

 **Meaning in like 3 weeks, maybe more, maybe less.**

 **See ya!**

 **P.S. You're welcome, for not putting in a cliffhanger.**

 **No promises for the next chapter though. ;)**


	6. 6: Stealing from the Safe

**Author's Note**

 **New chapter!**

 **But the shortest one yet.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 6**

Ness and Lucas collapsed on their respective beds, panting hard. They had done it! Completed all five operations! All that was left was to bust open the safe.

Lucas was panting with anticipation. He couldn't believe that he would be back to his own body soon. Soon, he could feel the joy of having a cowlick and wielding a branch. Not to mention getting this stupid weight on his back. What did Ness put in there, anyway? Bricks?!

Ness and stuffed all the weapons in a sack. Then he picked up the radio on the nightstand. Lucas frowned. "What's that for?"

Ness grinned. "You'll see."

The two lugged the sack to Master Hand's office, pretending to be carrying laundry to the cart. The Smashers didn't give them a second look.

Once outside the office, Lucas checked to see if the coast was clear. The hallway was empty, but the office was occupied by a very busy Master Hand.

Lucas sighed, defeated.. "We should come back later. We can't just waltz in there, after all."

In response, Ness brandished the radio. He turned the dial. Obnoxious sounding music began playing at full volume. Lucas cringed. It was better hearing Ness sing about eating steak in the shower…

There was a rumble. Master Hand lumbered over to the heavy metal door. Ness and Lucas scrambled behind the door and Master Hand flung it open. It hit Lucas smack in the face. Lucas wrinkled his nose and tried not to scream.

Master Hand sighed, went to the radio and tried to push the OFF button. Luckily, his index finger was far to large and instead dislodged the button. The music continued blaring at full volume.

Suddenly, Lucas was forcefully pushed into the office. He choked out a sound but a hand clamped his mouth shut. Ness.

Ness slammed the door shut and fumbled for the lock. It took both their body weights to push the lock closed, as it was huge, made for a giant finger.

Outside, Master Hand fumbled with the radio, only succeeding in angering himself. This was their chance. Lucas's heart glowed.

The safe was on the desk. Ness took out the bat and the hammer. Lucas struggled with the blaster and laser gun. His branch lay forgotten, just as a last resort.

"3, 2, 1!" Shouted Ness over the music. Lucas fired both blaster at the safe, watching the electricity and the red burst collide with the safe. At the same time, Ness swung his bat and the hammer with full force.

The safe lay crumpled but still holding, it's door bent but the lock still intact. Hope died in Lucas's throat. He tried to pry the safe open, but to no avail. He stared, discouraged.

Ness, on the other hand, was not to give up. Wailing, he grabbed the bat and the branch and began releasing all hell on the safe.

If the safe had feelings, it would wish it was never born.

Finally, the safe was simply a few scraps of metal and wire. The blue shell, however, was sitting on a platter, perfectly intact. Hope soared in Lucas's chest. They did it! He was finally free of this dumb body!

Ness took a deep breath, let go of Lucas, reached out and held the shell in his hands. It was more faded than the one at the beach, but still a shell, nevertheless. It was still beautiful, hieroglyph looking writing etched all over it, fainter, yes, but beautiful.

"All right, Lucas." Said Ness. He looked at his friend. All he had to do with touch him…

There was pounding on the door. Ness and Lucas both looked at each other. They had to get out of here. Fast.

Without thinking, Lucas grabbed the sack, Ness clutched the shell, and they both scrambled to the door. Lucas quickly unlocked it and they both shoved themselves behind it, not even thinking about the shell.

Master Hand stormed into the office, steam coming out of his… fingertips?

He took one look at the safe and literally howled. His thumb reached towards the sky and tore a gash in the ceiling. Ness and Lucas tumbled out from behind the door and they both crawled out of the office and hid around the corner, breathing hard.

"Quick, Ness! Use the shell! Touch my hand!" Cried Lucas.

But not before a blonde woman in a pink dress clamped a hand on Ness's shoulder. Lucas's face went white.

Peach had beat him to the punch.

"Lucas, honey, you've got a fight right now. What are you doing here? And what is that music? And that howling?"

Ness blanched. "Peach! Get away! Don't touch me!" He squirmed out of Peach's grasp as if her touch was poison. But it was too late. The damage had been done.

Peach just shook her head. "Adolescents." She muttered. She reached out before dragging away Ness by his shirt. Ness's blue eyes went wide. The shell fell out of his grasp. But something was different about it.

It was white. No more markings, no more aura. No more blue.

No more magic.

Lucas stood in the hallway, red cap in his hands, staring at Ness and Peach.

Peach had just touched Ness.

 _They_ would swap.

Ness (the boy who looked like Lucas) would look like Peach. Peach would be Lucas (or, the boy who looked like Lucas). And Lucas (the boy who looked like Ness) would look like Ness.

And the shell they had worked so hard to steal was now powerless.

 **Author's Note**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter! See you soon!**

 **Bye!**


	7. 7: A Big Push

**Author's Note**

 **Hey guys! It's FantablousUnicorn, and I'm back with another chapter! It gets good here, or at least, it starts to...**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 **Chapter 7**

Ness squirmed frantically in Peach's grass, trying to escape the fight. Hope was sinking in his chest faster than a plane plummeting to Earth.

After all their hard work, they'd only succeeded in messing up things even more.

And now he felt like a piece of crap. He'd dragged Lucas through all this trouble, getting beaten up by R.O.B.'s, running through puke, getting in trouble with Master Hand, and more.

And he'd screwed everything up.

If only when they were hiding behind the door, Ness gave Lucas a quick tap on the shoulder. If only he'd thought of a better distraction so Master Hand would stay out of the office longer. If only they'd been faster at getting the shell out of the safe. If only he'd listened to Lucas's advice to come back later. If only…

Peach had dragged him to the Launch Room by then. "All right sweetie, the fight hasn't started yet, but you'll have to rush!"

He sighed and picked himself up off the floor. He looked sadly at Peach. "Enjoy today, Peach. This will be the last day…" his voice trailed off and he looked sadly at the floor.

Peach smiled. "All right sweetie." As she turned around, Ness heard her mutter quietly to herself, "Adolescents."

Ness's guilt, shame and regret quickly boiled over to anger. Just because he was in Lucas's body didn't mean he had Lucas's good nature. He could still be the short tempered, angry, naughty Ness!

Ness whipped out his branch and tossed it at the retreated figure of Peach. He heard a high-pitched, "OW!"

Then a pink parasol came flying at him at full speed and bonked him right in the cowlick.

Maybe he deserved that.

Ness handed the parasol back to a very ticked off Peach. Her crown was lopsided and her hair was a mess. Ness couldn't help but smile.

Peach left with a "humph!" and walked away. Ness picked up his branch and went into the Launch Room. In another fit of anger, he smashed the shell on the floor. Shiny white pieces scattered in every direction. Ness couldn't care less. Huffing, he flattened his cowlick. It was a nervous habit he'd developed in Lucas's body over the past few days.

The Launch Room was white, with desks and tables and various electronics around the place. To the left was the armory, the right was the Launch Pads Room. On a large table in the center of the room lay the hologram of the fight settings. There were 4 fighters today, Captain Falcon, Cloud, Bayonetta, and himself, or rather Lucas. There was a little avatar of Lucas in his standard pose on the side next to Captain Falcon in the hologram. The words "30% HANDICAP" were pasted next to him.

The stage was Final Destination. Nice. Two lives for everyone. The items were Assist Trophies, Pokéballs, and Smart Bombs. The word "EDIT" was in the bottom right hand corner of the props section. So he was allowed to edit the props list! Awesome! Ness smiled. He pushed the button "SMASH BALL." The button glowed yellow and the picture of a Smash Ball appeared in the props list. Great. He could use PK Thunder to get that.

Unfortunately, the Assist Trophies were default in this match. Crap. He hated those. They were freakin' rigged!

Ness stomped angrily into the Launch Pad Room. The 3 other fighters were chatting idly, waiting for the fight to start in about 5 minutes. Ness wasn't in the mood to socialize. He'd likely have a fit and start beating up one of them and as a result get in trouble.

Speaking of trouble, Cloud had decapitated him this morning. Ness would totally report that.

Actually, not just yet. He relished the idea of blackmail.

Oh yeah. He would keep that secret handy.

Ness huffed over to the Launch Pads. They were basically cylinders that the Smasher would get inside, close the door and when the fight started, the bottom would rise up to the stage.

Ness basically just made faces at the other Smashers until an automated voice rang out, "Please step inside Launch Pads."

The doors to the Launch Pads opened and the Smashers did as they were told.

"Doors are closing in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, DOORS ARE CLOSING!"

The doors whirred shut.

"Smashers deployed in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. SMASHERS DEPLOYED."

The bottom of the Launch Pads simultaneously began to rise to the battlefield. Ness could see the blue aura of Final Destination in the distance. He took a few deep breaths in and got ready to battle.

To viewers, the start of the fight would look like each character was materializing in their own way. Lucas's entrance was to walk onto the screen carrying a surfboard or something. Honestly, Ness had no clue what he was doing.

This fight was only a practice fight, the real tournament started in about a month. There was a singles tournament (very famous), a doubles tournament (less famous), a team tournament (even less famous), and a VERSUS tournament (only old people watched it).

Ness hoped that Lucas was at least on the couch watching the fight. It would make him feel better if his friend wasn't _that_ angry at him.

The fight started, and immediately Bayonetta got Ness stuck in Witch Time, aka Bitch Time.

Bayonetta followed up with a broken-ass combo that Ness had no hope of escape. What was Master Hand thinking when he let Bayonetta have Witch Time, but Ness not have PK Rocking?

Ahh… well, he was Lucas right now, so it wouldn't make a difference.

Ness was cast into the sky and he felt himself redirected onto a floating platform. Aw… crap! He'd been killed already!

Luckily, Cloud was in a tangle with Bayonetta now, so Ness wouldn't have to deal with her for the moment.

Ness floated down gracefully from the platform and performed a nice aerial combo on Captain Falcon. Next, he PK-fired the crap out of him and whacked into oblivion him with his trusty branch. He didn't deserve it, but Ness felt like pummeling someone. That's what fights were for, right?

Captain Falcon came back smiling and used his few seconds of invincibility to whack Ness in the face. Ouch.

Captain Falcon then grabbed Ness and pummeled him repeatedly. Ness struggled to escape, but to no avail. So he spammed every single attack he could muster and Captain Falcon dropped him, but not after inflicting a lot of damage on the psychic.

Ness retaliated by using Lucas's broken up-smash (PK Love, he thought it was called) and sent Captain Falcon 30 feet up into the air. He proceeded by spamming the attack to juggle him. After 3 juggles and a lot of cursing, Captain Falcon said goodbye to his second life.

However, as Ness was celebrating his easy victory, he was approached by Cloud who had just emerged from a grapple with Bayonetta. He looked as if he'd been through a lot of Bitch Time… uh… *cough cough… _Witch_ Time.

Cloud beat Ness up real good, but before he could deliver the death blow, Ness reached blindly for an assist trophy. A giant… thing spawned and whacked Cloud furiously and repeatedly while Ness recovered with a Maximum Tomato. Ahh… he was in good health now.

The assist trophy disintegrated after a few seconds. It had only bought Ness some time to recover, but Ness was glad for it. He smoothed his cowlick and got into fighting stance. Cloud hefted his big-ass blade.

The two engaged in mortal combat. It would've been cool if not for the items that kept spawning out of nowhere and clonking them on the head repeatedly.

Cloud grabbed Ness and threw the boy on the ground. As Ness struggled to get to his feet, Cloud began charging limit.

"$ *%!" Ness shouted. He busted out a PK Thunder, directed it towards himself and _WHAM_. Cloud went soaring into the clouds!

Cloud respawned with new malice. Again, the boy and the swordsman began to fight. Ness was panting with exhaustion. Cloud, on the other hand, looked good as new.

On a normal day, Cloud would've beat Ness anytime. But Ness was boiling with rage. At himself, at Peach, at Master Hand, at Lucas…

No… he couldn't be mad at Lucas. It wasn't _his_ fault that Ness had screwed up.

Now, they would have to dive into the depths of the ocean to retrieve the other shell.

Hmmm… that didn't seem too bad. Ness had saved the world before. This seemed small in comparison. There was no Porky to screw them up. If all went well, they could have the shell back next week at the latest!

Suddenly Ness felt a burst of strength. He grabbed a smart bomb and chucked it at his enemy. Cloud was caught in the explosion.

Perfect timing! The Smash Ball had appeared. Ness easily caught with PK Thunder. Cloud's expression widened in horror. Ness cackled with glee.

White beams of energy began to rain down. Cloud managed to dodge the first few, but as the starstorm went on, he didn't stand a chance. Especially since his damage was so high.

Cloud went flying into the heavens and Ness smiled at the cameras in the distance.

"GAME!"

Lucas stood at the Fight Exit and waited for Ness to arrive. A grumpy Bayonetta and a furious Captain Falcon stood outside, having been defeated. Cloud dejectedly exited the fight gates, having been beat by character lower on the tier list than him.

Ness literally skipped out smiling, but as soon as he saw Lucas, his smile faded. "Lucas, I'm sorry -"

Lucas cut him off. "It's fine. W-we'll… we'll… figure out something." He forced a smile.

Ness timidly smiled back. "You're not mad?"

"No." That wasn't a lie.

"You're okay?"

"I'm fine." That was a lie. Lucas felt like crying. Imagine eating a bowl of chopped slugs, mashed snails, and 5 year old shrimp. Then imagine riding the fastest and bumpiest roller coaster on Earth right after. Then imagine having to perform a complicated dance in front of the whole human population 2 seconds after getting off the roller coaster. Then imagine not being able to make a single move wrong. Imagine being punished severely if that happened. Now imagine that feeling, times 10.

WwdThat was how Lucas felt. But he smiled anyway, trying to put Ness at ease.

Ness usually saw through Lucas's lies straight away, but that day he must've been desperate to know that Lucas was all right. He perked up. "O-okay! That's good." He flattened his cowlick. "U-um… I was really worried that you were mad…"

Lucas pulled his cap over his eyes. He shifted uncomfortably. "It's okay. Master Hand will understand."

"Will Ness and Lucas please report to Master Hand's office?" Said a high-pitched voice over the intercom.

The boys exchanged a look. Ness coughed. "You were saying…?"

"It's probably nothing." But Lucas felt a vile taste in the back of his throat. He forced it down and tried to look confident. It didn't work. He looked more like a monkey trying to comprehend a banana sundae.

Ness and Lucas walked silently to the office, each writing a mental will. Lucas was in the process of deciding whether or not he would give away Ness's belongings or his own, when they reached the office.

Both boys felt a pang of remorse.

"Okay Lucas, don't forget to breathe." Ness instructed to his already hyperventilating friend.

"Khaaaaaaaaaa…hahahha" Lucas sucked in all air around him like a very aroused Kirby. Jeez, Ness wouldn't be surprised if Lucas started screaming, "Poyo!"

"Okay Lucas, don't forget to breathe… normally…" Ness revised his sentence.

Lucas took a deep breath, then proceeded to slowly move a robotic arm to the door handle. His hand stopped an inch from the door handle. _Steady Lucas._ He thought.

 _Come on, you dolt! Just open up the door already._

 **Don't push me. I'm having a moment here.**

 _A moment?! You've been standing here for like… 1,000,000,000,000 years!_

 **Don't over exaggerate. I've been standing here for at most a minute.**

 _OK, maybe I was exaggerating a little. But only a little! You've been standing here for a long time!_

 **Only a minute.**

 _Nearly two if you don't hurry up!_

 **Well, you babbling on and on to me won't help! Just shut up and let me have a MOMENT!**

 _Sheesh… just hurry up, okay?_

 **Just shut -**

"Um… Lucas…?"

"Ehnuh?"

"You've been standing here for ages… can you open the door?"

 _See?_

 **Shut up.**

"Um… okay fine… I'll do it then." Ness shoved past Lucas and opened the door. Lucas blushed. Oops.

"Master Hand?" asked Ness, surveying the room. "Hello? You uh… called us to your office." Ness stepped inside, letting the door slam shut right on Lucas's face. Ugh… seriously? Lucas clutched his nose. Couldn't Ness be a little more careful?

Suddenly, he heard a thud, a yell, and a -

Hold the phone! Did his voice really sound that girly?!

 _Lucas! Focus! Something happened in there!_

 **Ah, right.**

Lucas gently opened the door. "Ness?"

The blonde boy was nowhere in sight. Neither was Master Hand. "Um… Ne- UEAAAAAAAH!"

Lucas was suddenly crammed into a tiny chute at the corner of the office - one that he had never noticed before. His face slammed into a metal flap. Great, just great! Another injury to his poor nose!

And then he was falling. Falling, falling, falling, falling into dark emptiness. All he could feel was his backpack. Desperately, he clutched it, grasping for a last sense of hope.

But it didn't stop there. A gruff voice echoed throughout the chamber. " **Well they're gotten rid of, the troublesome kids. And the dangerous knowledge that they possessed is gone with them. The secret is safe."**

Lucas choked in midair. The world spiraled around him as he fell. No… it couldn't be…

Master Hand was the one who had pushed him down the chute.

Master Hand was a murderer.

(Or, he would be, when Ness and Lucas stopped falling and cracked their skulls on the ground below.)

And there was nothing he could ever do to stop him.

 **Author's Note**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm so sorry I took so long, I was really busy these past weeks.**

 **The next chapter will get good :)**

 **Hopefully.**

 **Anyways, I'll try to post every 3 weeks. So, three more weeks till the good part! How exciting!**

 **And yes, I did a cliffhanger again.**

 **Sorry.**


	8. 8: A Rather Sandy Island

**Author's Note**

 **Well... I'm late... aren't I?**

Ness fell face first into a lake. The impact knocked the wind out of him. Jeez… that was one nasty fall.

But he wasn't even concerned about this. Not after what he had just heard. Why had Master Hand pushed him down the chute? He was still a kid, he didn't deserve this! Sure, he stole the shell, but who wouldn't in his situation? He had a BLONDE COWLICK, for frick's sake! Of course he would steal the dang shell! And even if it _wasn't_ justified, Master Hand shouldn't have stuffed him down the garbage chute!

Ness began to submerge into cool darkness of lapping water. Hope drained out of him slowly, leaving him empty and defeated. Was he dead yet? He _felt_ dead…

No… he was very much alive. But he wasn't really sure whether or not that was a good thing…

 _Stop thinking dark suicidal thoughts! Come on Ness! You've always been determined and persistent! Just get up and deal with it!_

As much has he _hated_ to admit it, his conscience was sort of right…

 _HA!_

 **Shut up.**

Bubbles streaming out of his nose, Ness paddled his way to the surface. It would've been a super epic moment that he could've totally bragged about, but Lucas decided to conveniently ruin it for him by falling on top of his head.

Thanks a lot.

"UWAAAH!" Ness screamed. He heard Lucas say something that sounded like, "Garblgarblefunk!

Ness breathed in a noseful of water. Choking and sputtering, he broke the surface and then proceeded to cough in Lucas's face.

Take that, ya dunderhead.

Lucas spat out a mouthful of water and wheezed. "We have… to get… land…"

Ness grasped his fellow psychic by the hair and slowly and painfully, they began to make their way towards shore.

A million years (or what felt like a million years) later, two cold, dirty and beaten up boys washed up onto sand. But not just any sand, pure black sand.

The sand was indeed pure. It was _pure_ sand. No rock, no soil, no mud, no nothing.

Just sand.

It was this sand that gave off such a powerful force that immediately made both boys feel as if they'd just ran 10 marathons.

Ness collapsed, his legs unable to hold the weight of his body. He felt like a dead body on drugs. All he wanted to do was lay down here and sleep forever. Nothing would disturb him. He would drift off without a care in the world and dream about a better reality, where he was Ness again…

…

 _SNAP OUT OF IT!_

… **Uwahhhhh…**

 _Get up!_

Against his will, Ness forced himself to his knees. The amount of effort necessary to perform this simple action was astronomical. He swayed, feeling as though he'd drank a few bottles of wine. Beside him, Lucas was groveling in the sand, wagging his butt in the air like a dog.

Ness gathered his energy for a few moments, then tried to stand up. It took a few attempts to assume a normal standing position. By then, Lucas was face down in the sand, panting and probably getting in touch with his inner golden retriever.

Ness kicked his friend in the side. "Get up." He rasped. His voice sounded frail, like an old man's. He brushed the sand out of his cowlick, and suddenly felt much better. Gasping, he shook sand out of his wet body. The relief was immediate and immense. He felt like he could lift a house.

The realization hit him at the exact moment. "It's the sand… it's bewitched or something, making us feel like dead bodies. This whole island is like a prison that… drains your power."

Lucas grunted, quivering in the sand. Ness helped him to his feet and began to whack the sand out of his (Lucas's) black messy hair.

Color flooded back into Lucas's face. "Get it off…" he said, shaking himself free of sand.

"Don't let more than the _minimum_ amount of sand touch your skin." Said Ness, trying to pull his shorts over his calves. "Don't lay down."

He still felt like dog crap, but it was better than the dead-body-on-drugs kind of feeling he was experiencing earlier.

"I'm so tired…" said Lucas, swaying in place. Ness twitched his head in agreement. He began to walk forward. Lucas walked along beside him.

They walked for hours on end. Trudged through sand and more sand and more sand. Once, Ness tried to cast a a PK Fire. Flames flickered feebly from his fingertips and died out. And then he was hit with an overwhelming feeling of pure exhaustion. He wobbled, nearly losing his balance. He struggled to speak. When he finally managed, his voice sounded frail.

"...D-don't use magic…"

Lucas was standing in front of him, his face pale with fear. He nodded, weakly. Ness resumed walking, and Lucas followed.

After another good 2 hours of walking, Ness and Lucas had enough of the barren, sand-filled landscape. All they had seen was sand, sand and sand. Sand dunes and sand piles and sand pits and sand _everything_. They had been walking for so long that the only thing that stopping from collapsed from sheer exhaustion was the fear that the sand would drain all the remaining energy out of them and leave them like empty husks, unable to move until they died.

"This is so boring!" Complained Lucas feebly. "Honestly, you'd think trying to escape a desert island prison might be exciting, but not at all!"

But the moment the words left his mouth, suddenly a feathered dart came soaring out of nowhere. Lucas jumped away, pulling Ness with him. The dart sailed away past them, sinking into the sand.

"Wuhwasdat?!" Freaked Lucas, doing a spastic dance that reminded Ness of the pee dance.

"I dunno…" said Ness, his heart pumping a million miles an hour. "I guess we'll find out…"

And without further ado, they started walking again, collapsed onto each other, and fell asleep.

Peach awoke the next morning feeling terribly exhausted. Her whole body ached and every muscle felt like it was on fire. She might've gone back to sleep, but she had important secretary duties to attend to. Reluctantly, she got out of bed.

The first thing she noticed was her height. She felt shorter than usual. Well, that was annoying. When you were secretary to the legendary Master Hand, you needed to feel tall and regal, not short and frail like she did now. She dismissed the unusual feeling, thinking that it was just drowsiness making her feel odd. After all, she had been feeling very sleepy last night. She had refused to go to bed early, though. She had had important secretary duties to attend.

Grumbling softly with displeasure, she began to make her bed. The second thing she noticed was the lack of breasts. Her arms seemed her cave in at her sides, unused to the foreign feeling of not having them. This was also highly unusual. Again, she dismissed the strangeness as simply the effects of drowsiness. She needed her morning coffee.

The third thing she noticed, when she looked down to examine her flat chest, was that she was wearing the male nightclothes. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, despite the fact that no one was watching. What a disgrace! She was the secretary to Master Hand! A person like her couldn't just live their lives wearing the wrong nightclothes! How utterly embarrassing! A frown creased her brow. She specifically remembered putting on the _female_ nightclothes before bed. Come to think of it, she wasn't even sure if she even _had_ male nightclothes. In her nightclothes drawer, she only had the turquoise nightgowns, folded up and stacked neatly in a pile. She never recalled seeing the dark blue fabric of the male version.

Now, Peach was starting to think something was very wrong. Frowning, she stalked off to the mirror. Looking into the glass, Peach saw -

"AHHHHHHH!"

 **Author's Note**

 **ANNNDD... CUT!**

 **Another cliffhanger...**

 **Thanks for reading another chapter of the Identity Crisis! Please note that the original version of this chapter was QUITE different, but I didn't exactly like it. SO... this is the edited version.**

 **Welp, CIAO!**


	9. 9: Another Identity Crisis

**Author's Note**

 **OHHHH HELLOOOO!**

 **It's Fantabulous Unicorn (if you didn't know), back with yet anything chapter! Yippeeee!**

 **So... no more rambling and bambling...**

 **Let's get on with the story!**

 **Chapter 9**

Zelda awoke to a loud, high-pitched shriek. Startled, she leapt out of bed, blindly stumbling across the room as the result of her blindfold that she had forgotten to take off.

Zelda stopped, pawing at her blindfold with her hands. At last, she wrenched off the cloth and threw it to the floor. "Peach! Peach! Are you alright?!"

Zelda assumed a fighting pose, but as she scanned the room for intruders (maybe Ganondorf or Bowser), she frowned. There was no one in sight.

Zelda huffed, inspecting the room more carefully. Peach's bed was partially made, the covers draped halfway over the foam mattress. Zelda furrowed her brows. It was unusual for Peach to leave her bed half-made like this. Zelda could never recall a time where she woke up to see Peach's bed unmade.

Zelda paced the room, calling out Peach's name. But she heard no response. However, as she passed the bathroom door, she heard the softest of whimpering. Zelda stopped. "Peach?"

All was quiet, except for the constant whimpering, never pausing for breath, never getting louder, never getting softer. Zelda, quite unnerved, banged loudly on the door. "Peach! Peach! Come out here now!"

Again, there was no response, except for the sharp intake of a breath and a suppressed sob.

"Peach! Answer me!" Yelled Zelda, pounding her fist against the bathroom door. "What's wrong?!"

There were a few more quiet sobs, but after a moment,a shaky voice responded. "N-nothing! * _hic_ * j-just a p-p-period a-accident. N-nothing to *hic* worry about!"

"Peach?! Really, are you alright? Your voice sounds funny."

"*hic* it's n-nothing! N-nothing at all! J-j-just a s-sore throat!" The sobs got louder.

Zelda narrowed her eyes, detecting a lie. "I thought you said it was a period accident. Not a sore throat!" She was starting to get reminded of her ex-boyfriend, Marth, who had always tried to skip fights by pretending to be sick.

There was a pause. "W-well, it's b-both then!" The sobs grew to a wail, and Zelda sighed.

"A sore throat and a period accident isn't anything to scream about." Said Zelda.

"I-I'm screaming because-b-because…" there was a long silence. "My period was n-not on s-schedule. I was just s-shocked, I-I mean, *hic* it was a really huge gush. A-and-"

"Never mind." Said Zelda, not wanting to know the details about Peach's supposed period accident. Peach's sketchy explanation raised more questions than answers, but Zelda felt it would be best to stop questioning for now. "Well… you'll be late for your meeting with the game leaders."

The game leaders were the twelve original Smashers. Zelda knew that Peach's pride and joy was her ability to attend this meeting as secretary to Master Hand. It was a great honor, and few (besides the original twelve) were granted this privilege. If this didn't convince her to come out, nothing would.

To Zelda's utter dismay, Peach hiccuped and the door remained closed. "N-no… *hic* I think I'll s-skip work today… tell M-Master Hand that I-I'm not f-feeling well… tell him to c-cancel my f-fights too. *hic*"

Zelda stared in disbelief. She cleaned her ears. Had she heard that correctly?! Peach saying she couldn't come to work was about as unlikely as Roy getting good at kissing (mind you, he was really bad)!

Zelda remembered when Peach was practically delirious with chicken pox, but still insisted that she go to work. She had vomited in the hallway on her way there and was forced to spend the rest of the day in bed, protesting loudly about her secretary duties.

All of Zelda's thoughts exploded out of her like a fart out of Wario's butt. "Well, you still went to work when you were faint from chicken pox! A petty 'sore throat'" Zelda said the words _sore throat_ in a mocking imitation of Peach. "shouldn't be much of a problem! Even if it's as bad as you think, it's nowhere _near_ worse than chicken pox, pneumonia, strep throat, and all those other _diseases_ you got last year! And even through all those, you _still_ toughed it out and went to work! Stop sulking around here and _crying_ because of a _period accident._ I know you, Peach! You're better than this!" Zelda snapped at the door, furious for no reason.

There was silence. Zelda sighed and wiped sweat from her brow. "Now, if you don't mind, _I'm_ going to breakfast before you start bawling like a baby." she said crossly. " _Again._ " She turned on her heel with a _swish_ , yanked open the door, and stalked out of the room with a huff.

She was halfway down the corridor when a soft pattering of footsteps zoomed toward her. Zelda cringed. She didn't have time for this. A moment later, a voice said, "Hey Zelda! Hi! Hi! Hi!"

Zelda sighed. Scowling, she turned around. "No, Sonic. I'm not interested." She folded her arms, trying to look cool, and stared the blue hedgehog dead in the eye. "I've told you many times, I'm not going out with you."

Sonic squirmed, clutching a camera tight in his fingers. He was the mansion's photographer, meaning that he had to zoom around everywhere with his camera, taking embarrassing photos of Smashers, and putting them in the Smashbook. "I-I…" he blushed, which looked kinda weird considering he was a hedgehog. "Well… I just wanted to tell you that you're still wearing your nightclothes."

The cool-girl look melted off Zelda's face. "Huh?" She looked down. Sure enough, she was still wearing her nightdress. And even worse, the front part was tucked into her underwear. But there was more - she realized that she was wearing Roy's _Hello Kitty_ underwear. And just when she thought it couldn't get bad enough, she realized that Roy's underwear were 3 sizes too big and that they were hanging off her hips and revealing a bit too much of her… _welll_ … you know what I mean.

"Uhm…" it was now her turn to blush. Her face felt hot with embarrassment. How could she have been so stupid?!

Sonic grinned, snapped a photo, and sped off. "Seeeyaaaaa!"

Zelda took a moment to comprehend. Then, her face contorted with rage and she took off after Sonic.

"YOU! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW! YOU BUTTCRACK! YOU ABSOLUTE FOUL, EVIL, POOP-FACED, LITTLE *$!"

But Sonic was too fast for Zelda, especially a tired Zelda who was wearing her nightdress tucked into the front of her extremely large underwear.

After running the length of the entire mansion, Sonic waving and laughing and holding the camera up high, Zelda was forced to give up. Panting and shaking with rage, she untucked the front of her nightdress and sulked off to her room, bracing herself for Peach's sure fury and thinking of every foul word possible to describe Sonic.

But when she arrived at her room, she saw a figure standing on Peach's bed, hammering a wooden beam into the wall. Zelda yelped, jumping back. The figure suddenly turned, saw her, leaped off the bed and darted into the bathroom. It was much too fast for Zelda to see who it was, but Zelda was reminded of her ex-boyfriend, Captain Falcon for moment, who had snuck into her room to steal her underwear (long story). As she played the scene back in her mind, she was now pretty sure it was a child…

Zelda grabbed a house phone (it was on he nightstand, marched up to the bathroom door with all the courage she could muster, and rapped loudly on the door. "Show yourself! You trespasser!"

There was silence. Zelda screamed, frustrated. "ANSWER ME OR I'LL CALL MASTER HAND!"

"It's me! Peach!" Pleaded the voice from inside, but Zelda was reminded of Lucas. _No._ She thought to herself. _Poor, sweet Lucas would never do such a thing… and yet… who else had that voice?_

But it was still unlikely. Lucas would not be able to get inside of the room without a key, especially a high-security one like this. How could he have gotten his hands on that? Peach had been shut up in the bathroom all this time… so he couldn't have gotten hers…

Peach. Oh no! Peach!

If Peach was still in the bathroom, she would be in terrible danger! The trespasser could hold her hostage, kill her…

No, if Peach was in there, she would've screamed. But where else could she be? Zelda had ran all the way around the mansion with Sonic and hadn't seen her (but she had seen Roy, who blushed, and Captain Falcon, who smirked). So she must still be in the room…

Maybe the voice isn't lying. Maybe Peach _was_ the trespasser…

"If you really are Peach, slide me her key under the door."

The key, imprinted with Peach's name and status, cams sliding out from under the door.

"Okay… now what about her ID card?"

And out came the ID card from under the door.

Zelda inspected it, along with the key. As far as she could tell, they were real.

"Hm… now…" Zelda thought. "How did Peach meet me?"

The voice responded instantly. "Mario asked you if the egg salad was good, and Link came to yell at him for talking to you. I was with Mario at that time, and… well, we just started talking, I guess."

Zelda nodded. "Another question." Zelda thought hard. "Where did Peach and I go for our first vacation, and when was it?"

"We went to Smash Waterpark. It was 2 years ago, during Melee. We went during the Spring Holiday."

Zelda was 99% convinced that this was the real Peach. But… just to be 100% sure…

"Exactly how many armpit hairs does Peach like to keep every time she shaves?"

This was a very personal question (for Peach standards). The response came after a moment. "7 visible hairs."

Zelda was now thouroughly convinced that this was the real Peach. "Okay. I won't call Master Hand. But _you_ have to open the door!"

"NO!"

Zelda smiled. She dialed the emergency number with 3 loud beeps. "It's not like you have much of a choice… do you?"

There was a quavering silence.

"Now… if you decide not to open the door… I'll press _call_."

Another dreadful silence.

"O-okay… but remember… I warned you…."

Zelda held her breath as the bathroom lock clicked, the knob twisted, and the door slowly swung open….

"AHHH!"

Ness woke with a start. Luckily, he was still draped across the towel. But unluckily, Lucas was laying on top of him.

Suddenly, he remembered the switch between him and Peach. He looked down and saw with dismay that he was wearing a dark blue nightgown, and what's more - he had _boobs._ Well, boobs smaller than the normal Peach's, but nevertheless, boobs.

So why wasn't he in Peach's bedroom? Why wasn't he up in the mansion, enjoying the comforts of home? Was it simply because the shell they had used was so weak?

Ness shook Lucas awake. "Lucas!" His voice was high-pitched and girly.

Lucas groggily rubbed his eyes. He looked up at Ness, and his mouth fell open. "Woaaah! You look hot!"

Ness slapped Lucas hard across the face. Lucas winced. "Owww… you even took her personality!"

Ness scowled. "Why are you being so annoying today?"

Lucas shrugged. "I dunno, girl."

Ness slapped him again. "I'm still a dude, Lucas. Just because I got Peach's body doesn't mean I _am_ Peach!"

Lucas rubbed his cheek where Ness had slapped him. "Pea - uh - Ness," Ness burst into giggles at the blunder of names Lucas had just made. Wow… his and Peach's names combined was Peaness (try saying that aloud)...

"I uh…" Lucas paled, realizing his mistake. Ness burst into another fit of giggles. "Shut up, Ness!" but his mouth was twitching. He cleared his throat. "What I mean to say, _Ness_. Was that you're not exactly Peach."

Ness bit back another giggle. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, well... your eyes are still violet."

"What? You mean… the transformation wasn't complete? And why is it violet… I wasn't in my own body anymore… so why wasn't my eye blue, like yours? Did something mess up?"

"Yeah… I guess. And also, look! You're not as tall as Peach! And you look like a little girl, not an adult woman!" Lucas' cheeks turned pink. "Come to think of it… little girl Peach with violet eyes is a _lot_ hotter than normal Pe- ow!"

Ness had just thumped Lucas on the head with his fist, causing his dark hair to flop in all directions. "That's cool and all, but try not to get too distracted." Just to spite him, Ness tossed his silky blonde hair to one side and smiled at the dreamy look on Lucas's face. "Don't develop any weird crushes, Lucas!"

Lucas nodded, and staggered to his feet. Ness did the same, but the terrible draining sensation of the sand was so overcoming. He forced himself to stay standing and smoothed down the skirt of his blue nightdress. To his immense relief, Peach wore fluffy slippers to bed so he wouldn't have to walk around this darn island barefoot.

And speaking of weird darn islands... what exactly had shot the dart at him yesterday? Or... were they not alone on this island?

"Lucas," he said tentatively as they began to walk. "What was the thing that almost shot us?"

But just as the words left his mouth, a bright red pole came looming into view. Ness shot Lucas a puzzled look and hurried forward, tripping over his skirt as he ran. Luckily, Lucas caught his arm. "Thanks," said Ness.

"No problem." said Lucas. His face turned bright scarlet as he quickly jerked his arm away from Ness.

Ness groaned. "Come _on_ , Lucas! You idioooot! This isn't a stupid NESSCAS thing! You can't be developing a crush _now!"_

Lucas' face turned even more furiously red and he stared at the ground. Ness glared. This was not the time for love! They were fearing for their _lives_ now! Lucas was just being so stupid…

Then the sound of great, shuddering breaths fell upon Ness's ears. Ness turned to look at Lucas. Tears were streaming down from the violet eyes and falling onto the sand. Ness just stared at him. This was soooo stupid…

Lucas saw him looking and turned away. "S-sorry…"

Ness was pitiless. "Why are you crying, you dolt!"

"I-I'm just… c-confused…" Lucas muttered, his eyes spilling more tears that leaked out like water from a broken faucet. Ness just gawked. Lucas kept his eyes fixed on the ground below him. "J-just… really s-sad… and confused."

Ness snorted. "I could tell." he replied scathingly.

"It's j-just that…" Lucas wiped his tears away. "This is so crazy… I turned into my best friend…he turned into me… we stole one of Master Hand's prized possessions… and he pushed us down a chute into here… then my best friend turned into Peach… and now… I have a crush on him… and he told me I was stupid… and I am! I-I shouldn't be… ugh… you're right… this is dumb... "

Ness softened just a little bit. "I get it, Lucas." he patted Lucas's shoulder awkwardly. After a moment, he continued. "But you _are_ being stupid. Don't expect me to like you back."

Lucas smiled a little. The flow of his tears slowed just a tiny bit.

"Let's go and see what that red pole is all about." said Ness encouragingly. He grasped Lucas's arm and pulled him forward. Lucas didn't even react.

Ness patted his friends' shoulder all the way to the red pole. Slowly, the tears stopped and the shuddering breaths became small sniffles and hiccups. And then finally, the crying stopped.

"There there." Said Ness, awkwardly releasing Lucas. How the hell was he supposed to comfort somebody in a situation this weird?

Lucas nodded in thanks. "Well… I suppose we should look at this pole." He sounded embarrassed. Ness couldn't blame him.

Ness turned to face the pole. He saw a small hole in it and inspected it carefully. "Have any idea what this - UWAHHAA?"

A feathered dart came whistling out of the hole, missing Ness by inches. Ness yelped and stumbled back. Luckily, Lucas was too off to the side to get hit. "What the - "

An onslaught of darts came streaming out of the hole. Ness backed up and eventually bumped into Lucas, who was standing with his mouth wide open in pure shock.

"Wow… that's where the darts came from." said Ness, breathing hard. But Lucas did not answer. He was staring resolutely in another direction, his violet pupils small as pinpricks. Ness tilted his head to one side, confused. "Lucas…? What are you looking at…?"

Lucas lifted a trembling hand and pointing a shaking finger in the direction he was looking at. Ness followed his finger and gasped, making a facial expression almost identical to Lucas'. His heart gave a feeble lurch and his insides twisted.

The pole wasn't just a pole… no… it was connected to a wall… no - a colossal jail cell, with gleaming black bars criss-crossing in every direction. But that was nothing compared to what was being kept inside the cell.

Oh yes… Ness recognized him...

The unmistakable crumpled shimmering form, bent colorful wings, and the broken, white figure of a man shrouded in misery and mist.

It was Tabuu.

 **Author's Note** **Yes... another cliffhanger...**

 **muahahaha...**

 **but I will tell you this...**

 **it only gets better from here...**

 **I think...**

 **I mean... there's like... a 31.56% chance that it will...**

 **Anyway, thanking for reading my chapter!  
See you next time! (and of course, not literally)**

*P.S. No, this will NOT be a Nesscas fanfic. Lucas's little crush is going not further than this. I promise. It was just to add a little more weirdness to the situation.

Cuz us authors like to do that. :)


End file.
